??

i think, more than ‘long life’ or ‘health,’ i want to ‘experience [certain things] and [certain feelings]‘

if i live longer, and am healthier, i will be able to experience more of those things, to more intense degrees, i feel

some of those things are maybe (1) continuous hours of ‘high brain functioning’ while ‘feeling happy’ and doing things like reading/writing/’making art’ alone (2) amounts of time spent with single other people talking/’looking at things’/[other] comfortably and with unselfconscious feelings of interest/excitement/’wanting to learn about the other person or view their reaction to certain things about me’ (3) moments of ‘intense alertness’ or ‘intense awareness’ while experiencing (1) or (2) or [anything]

some drugs have the effect of increasing the intensity or length of (1), (2), (3)

some things that could ‘distract’ or lessen the effect of (1), (2), (3) include ‘feeling hungry’ or ‘feeling sleepy’ or ‘feeling tired’ or ‘feeling sick’

some foods have the effect of causing more periods of time of more intensity where i would feel hungry, sleepy, tired, sick (i would say these foods are any food that is not raw fruit or vegetables in ‘freshly juiced’ or ‘normal’ form, and not eating the raw fruit w/ any non leafy-green vegetable w/o one of them digesting first), decreasing (1), (2), (3)

some foods have the effect of lessening the periods of time where i would feel hungry, sleepy, tired, sick (raw fruits & vegetables), therefore increasing (1), (2), (3)

if i’ve been ‘raw vegan’ for 5 days i’ll probably feel [a certain way] and then if i ‘take drugs’ at that point i’ll probably feel [another certain way that would not be possible w/o 'drugs']

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i don’t think i want to distinguish b/w ‘drugs’/food/[anything]

it seems like every thing will have an effect on how i feel, each thing has specific effects

living in nyc probably decreases my life span and ‘level of functioning’ due to pollution, as compared to living on the galapagos islands, but there are more people and other things here that i like

in that sense ‘nyc’ is similar, to me, to a drug

and one could say that about ‘anything,’ i feel

the ‘worst’ drug, in my view, seems to be ‘cooked carbohydrates’ like bread or cupcakes or pasta or muffins

if i eat a cupcake, even if it is organic and made of spelt, or something, i ‘feel good’ for something like the 180 seconds that i’m eating it, there is no ‘high’ afterward, and i will very likely want to ‘eat another one’ immediately after, and it will increase my blood-sugar levels at an unnaturally rate, causing my body to release insulin, or something, causing me to feel hungry again in like 2 hours, while also destroying my blood-sugar regulating system, to some degree, increasing my chances for diabetes, heart disease, weight gain, and affecting my skin/’energy levels’ negatively, in my view

whereas if i drink coffee or ‘take’ some kind of stimulant i will feel good for [an amount of time 50-300x longer than w/ the cupcake] while also probably feeling less hungry, causing me to not eat, increasing my life span, energy level (digestion, i’ve noticed, decreases my energy levels a lot; my brain seems to function ‘most effectively’ while my stomach is empty), etc.

i feel like ‘one line of cocaine’ or 10 mg adderall is probably much less ‘harmful’ to a human body than ‘one cupcake’ or ‘one piece of bread’*

here are the leading causes of death in america, according to ‘faststats’:

* Heart disease: 631,636
* Cancer: 559,888
* Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 137,119
* Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 124,583
* Accidents (unintentional injuries): 121,599
* Diabetes: 72,449
* Alzheimer’s disease: 72,432

heart disease, stroke, diabetes are probably caused most by ‘cooked carbohyrates,’ ‘non-raw oils,’ ‘cooked proteins,’ ‘non-vegetable sources of sodium,’ ‘processed foods,’ [other]

cancer is probably caused by ‘natural/artificial flavors,’ ‘cleaning products,’ ‘non-raw sugars,’ ‘pollution,’ ‘smoking,’ ‘non-organic foods,’ [other]

i’m not sure what causes alzheimer’s, i’m sure all of the above has a negative effect on alzheimer’s

drugs probably increase ‘accidents,’ but i’m not sure, maybe not

__

everything seems like [a thing] or like [a drug] to me

exercising every day causes one to feel like they ‘need to’ exercise every day, on the days one doesn’t exercise they ‘don’t feel as good’

if i am ‘raw vegan’ for 10 days i will feel less good on the 11th day if i am not ‘raw vegan’

if i take adderall 5 days in a row i will feel less good on the 6th day if i do not, and the effect of adderall will decrease each day, after the 1st day

if i eat a cupcake today i will want to eat one tomorrow

certain people who become ‘raw vegan’ become more and more extreme, until if they eat one cupcake they ‘get sick,’ or if they do not have a certain green juice in the morning they feel ‘less well’ that day, or something, in a similar manner, to some degree, on a certain spectrum, as a person who is addicted to [some drug] ‘suffering’ withdrawal when they do not have [that drug] one day

it seems like when i think about things like this i mostly think about ‘variety,’ about wanting to not go ‘in one direction’ but to ‘move in opposing directions’ within a time-frame, not thinking about ‘progress’ in terms of ‘health,’ but about ‘using’ a strategy re ‘health’ in order to do things in my life that i want to do more effectively

‘health’ is a ‘means’ to something else

i would not view myself as wanting to ‘become more healthy’ over time until i die

rather i would want to view myself as becoming ‘more skilled’ at my strategies re ‘health’ in order to more effectively do what i want to do in my life until i die

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* These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This blog comment is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

The first time I did mushrooms I took too much and I got very scared. I would suggest to anyone taking psychedelic drugs to try to not take too much.

from 0-10 i think for dinner i ate white rice, [vegetable], [meat], i think my mom cooked w/ msg, soy sauce, vegetable oil, for lunch i probably ate roast beef sandwiches, for breakfast i ate eggs probably, after school some days i think my mom and i ate mcdonald’s or other fast food places, probably .001-.5% organic

from 10-19 i ate the same things, except i probably ate a larger variety of fast food places, like arby’s, wendy’s, checkers, taco bell, chick-fil-a, ‘ci-cis’ or something, i liked salads, i’ve eaten probably 500 salads from wendy’s, burger king, mcdonald’s, chick-fil-a, outback steakhouse, pizza hut (lunch buffet), olive garden, i’m not sure if it’s 500, could be 300 or 2000, but i also ate chicken nuggets and burgers and steaks from those places, probably .1-2% organic (mostly ‘accidentally’ probably, until ~17 or ~18)

from 19-22 i ate less meat or no meat and less dairy or no dairy, i drank edensoy soy milk and made smoothies sometimes and ate cereal and nuts and peanut butter and pasta and bread and chinese food, probably 70-90% organic

from 22-26 (typed 23-28 first and stared at it for 5-10 seconds ‘remembering’ my real age) i ate some meat and dairy, less cereal and bread and other cooked carbohydrates, more raw fruit and vegetables and fresh juices and smoothies, probably 90-98% organic

“do you have your drivers license, how do you feel about driving, and what is your transportation history?

yes, i have a drivers license

i enjoy listening to music while driving

from 0-15 i didn’t drive

from 16-19 i drove to school and other places

from 19-22 i drove while ‘at home’ on summer or winter break, i delivered pizzas via ‘driving’ one or two summers

from 22-26 i drove 2-5 times when i rented a car and 1-5 times when i drove someone else’s car

“how did you come about the philosophy of existentialism/detachment that you generally espouse”

i don’t feel that i ‘espouse’ anything

i feel that i am able to observe things’ cause/effects and can tell someone what they can do to be more effective at what they want, if they ask me about it and for some reason i feel like ‘helping’ them

if they want to not be detached that seems equally ‘fine’ with them wanting to be detached

i think i first learned of ‘existentialism’-type things when i read 5-8 kurt vonnegut books in a row in high school after watching ‘fight club’ at some point before that and reading some chuck palahniuk books and seeing on his website that recommended kurt vonnegut for people who like chuck palahniuk

“or not how did you come about it, but how did you come to assimilate it / did you study it and try to do it from the inside out”

i think ‘existentialism’-type things have mostly seemed more ‘obvious’ to me than something that i learned at some point

i think i wrote a ~8-page essay on ‘existentialism’ in my first year of college, and read various books for it, and concluded something like that every ‘existentialist’ has their own definition of it, and that they don’t really define it specifically anywhere, or something like that

“or did you start with the externally claiming it’s a great philosophy in your writing or whatever and then just ‘fake it ’til you make it’”

i don’t know what the philosophy of ‘existentialism’ is

seems like i don’t know what ‘any’ philosophy is, or even what the word ‘philosophy’ means, at least at this moment

i think i’ve mostly used those words, and other abstractions/’genres,’ in my writing, as ‘feelings’ than as [other things], for example some things, including myself, ‘seem/look/feel philosophical’ or ‘seem/look/feel existential’ to me in the same manner some things ‘seem/look/feel depressed’ or whatever

“I noticed in response to the “What drugs have you done?” question, you didn’t include marijuana. Have you not tried it or did you just omit it, like also not including alcohol because it’s not really a “hard drug” or something?”

i have tried marijuana and alcohol and nicotine

“If you have tried it, what are your thoughts on it?”

i have ‘smoked’ marijuana something like twice, and maybe ‘eaten it’ 1-4 times, i don’t remember feeling anything notable, maybe just ‘sleepy’ or something

my lungs collapsed spontaneously in high school three times, the doctor said smoking increases the chance of it happening 12x or something and that smoking marijuana increases the chance of it happening 42x or something

in fear of my lung(s) collapsing again i have not smoked anything since then, except maybe once or twice, i think

i’ve probably smoked the equivalent of [i don't know] via ‘second-hand smoke’

“What are your thoughts on psychedelic drugs?”

i haven’t tried them

i have some and look forward to trying them

“Do you listen to music when you write?”

yes

i currently would like ‘emotions’ and ‘pure’ to be defined specifically before answering that

“Are your nerves adjustable?”

i currently would like ‘nerves’ and ‘adjustable’ to be defined specifically before answering that

“How do you stand in relation to the potato?”

literally it depends on what specific potato

metaphysically i feel that i ‘stand’ in a manner that doesn’t feel ‘close’ or ‘far’ to ‘the potato’

“How do you pronounce “pedant”?”

i’m not sure, maybe ‘pee-dant’

“When will the second printing of “Sometimes My Heart Pushes Against My Ribs” be in? I would really like to buy it, I think.”

copies of the 2nd edition of http://muumuuhouse.com/ellenkennedy.poetrybook.html will be available in ~8-20 days, i think

“Why is it that no matter how many questions you answer, no matter what kind of questions they are, and no matter how openly and thoroughly you answer them, it never makes you seem any less enigmatic?”

i’m not sure, maybe because i try to not be rhetorical, which makes me ‘the same’ or ‘similar,’ in terms of ‘effect,’ as what most people view as ‘art,’ which most people seem to view as ‘mysterious,’ causing me to not become ‘less enigmatic’ in the same manner i might not become ‘less enigmatic’ if i continued releasing ‘enigmatic short stories’ or ‘enigmatic songs’ or something

some people probably feel i am becoming ‘less enigmatic’

i don’t view each thing as specific, i think it is ‘simply’ an ‘ideal’ that i have observed as a possibility for myself to ‘use,’ if i want to, and it seems like maybe i want to, at most times in my life, for various reasons

one reason would be what you typed, yes

i like that, ‘there is no way you can ever know the exact context (like, everything that has happened/all the energy that was put into something) of anything’

“is it your goal to understand as much of the context of the things you come into contact with?”

i don’t think that is my goal

i think my goal is different for each thing i perceive and that the goal you typed is almost never my goal

the goal you typed seems like maybe one of my goals, or ‘sub-goals,’ when i’m writing a short-story or novel, in that i like to know each sentence’s context within the context of the short-story or novel

“do you play ping pong?”

i have played for 5-25 minutes in my life

“do you like popcorn more than other things?”

more than some other things, yes

“do you find that you more often eat 2-3 large meals with few snacks or snack throughout the day?”

for the last 2-7 years i’ve probably eaten 1 large meal with smaller meals of fruit/smoothies/’small nut-based snacks’ at other times in the day 60-80% of my days

“what is the first book you remember having complex thoughts and opinions about?”

depends on what ‘complex’ means

just thought about it for some time

not sure what that means to me

i remember liking ‘white noise’ in a different manner than i’d like books i’d read until that point

i remember liking ‘people like that are the only people here’ in a different manner than i’d like other writing i’d read until that point

i remember liking ‘the lichtenberg figures’ in a different manner than i’d liked other writing i’d read until that point

“have you ever stapled something a lot of times because you thought it would look cool but when you were finished found that it kinda just looked messy/sloppy?”

yes

http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/2010/06/my-new-formspring-account.html

matthew rohrer, michael earl craig, ben lerner

http://muumuuhouse.com/poetry.html

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/journal/article.html?id=238724

“what you do you think of someone like harold bloom, and what he might “say” about you?”

i don’t know much about him

i feel interested in what he might say about me

“what do you think of poetry? are your thoughts on it the same as with “prose”, whether made by you or by others?”

my thoughts are literally different for each different thing in each different moment, i think

“has anyone ever thought of or approached you about making a documentary about you?”

kendra wanted to make a documentary of me at one point, i didn’t ‘feel ready’ for that at that point

not sure how i feel now

think i’d be ‘down’ for it now, if it was like one or two months, or one book tour, or something…or something

“How do you feel about the term G-Chat Realism?”

i don’t know

feel some aversion toward the dash

maybe ‘gmail realism’ would be more marketable

‘gmail realism’ seems more pleasing to me