I want to be an anthropologist. I want to kick ass and dominate so that I can prove to myself that I’m not worthless.

Growing up my family told me I was nothing, again again again again. I still believe it. I still feel like I deserve nothing. I am delusionally ambitious.

I have five younger sisters who are still being raised to believe that they are supposed to be barefoot and pregnant and not go to college. God knows if my parents are beating them like they did me. I don’t think so. It hurts to see them. It hurts to think about my family.

I’ve gotten away to a college through a lot of luck. I’m doing well. But I’m still in the same town. I want to go away. I want to write poems. I want to be on fire for a little while.

Is it crazy to leave? Is it crazy to drop the degree when I’m doing well and go to South America and try to learn how to be beautiful? I’m so fucking scared.

I wonder if deep down my brother knows he’s a fool for following what they say. I tend to doubt it. I think, most likely, deep down he’s scared that he’s wrong, and more than that, he’s scared that he’s ignorant. He’s made life choices that have always kept him close to home, a home which is void of any diversity at all. He hears people scream their opinions and he wants to have an opinion, too, he wants to feel validated for staying where he is. He looks up to our father who has always been a conservative Republican, though he now calls himself a libertarian. And my brother is competitive as hell. America is THE best country, and therefore, all it’s failures must be swept under the rug or blamed on someone else. It can’t be that we American’s make mistakes, deviate from our own ideals, and consist of more than what our history books tell us.

To Patrick: I didn’t say I don’t trust any politician. I said I disagree with 99.5% of them. There are intentional linguistic and numerical differences between the two. It would be unfair and morose of me to distrust all politicians.

You cannot wear down a person who truly believes that George W. Bush will be historically viewed as the greatest President. I have other conservative family members, and we are able to have civil discussions or politely refrain from topics known to cause unease, but Sugar is right. My brother wants to provoke me, and he has no intention of listening to anything I might say.

And I don’t want to “wear anybody down.” It’s not a fight. People like my brother and the pundits you see on Fox News are rarities among the American people. Most people, when it comes down to it, want the same things.

I truly believe that most people not only care about their children and their own well-beings, but about the well-beings of others as well. People have different ideas about what this means, but often times they aren’t as outlandish as our media makes it seem. “They” aren’t all “idiots” or “elitists”. They are our neighbors, and our family members, and people we are responsible for.

If everyone just retracts to their own “sides,” and looks at the situation as a duel, or a fight, then we’re letting the small minority of extremists win. All of Murdoch’s gang will win, because rest assured, they will be safe in their mansions while the fight drags on outside.

You’re one of the precious few who gets it — or maybe you’re just braver than most of us. Probably both. In any case, thank you for singing what most people only hum under their breath.

Best,
Melissa