Comments on: DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #44: How You Get Unstuck

By: Meaghan

Meaghan — Wed, 29 May 2013 00:58:41 +0000

I’ve never been through anything like any of the people in this column, but I cried the whole way through.

By: Sally

Sally — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 21:35:12 +0000

OMG!! A close friend just sent me this article(better 2 years later than never) and it moved me beyond words as the healing effect “the Truth” can have on us and empower us as perfect human beings in an imperfect world. I am a recovering alocholic/attic of 10 years now and I work in this world with others in assisting other addicted women to find their own power thru their challenges or as you say..”Fucking Nightmares!!” This article moved me to a new level of hope and peace for the suffering….Thank you Sugar, I will use this to pay it forward…..In sincere gratitude, Sally W.

By: thoughtsappear

thoughtsappear — Wed, 22 Aug 2012 14:41:27 +0000

I know 2 years have gone by since you posted this. But thank you for posting it. Thank you, Stuck, and thank you, Sugar.

I just had a miscarriage, and luckily, the one friend I told referred me to this post. It’s helping me.

By: TALULA

TALULA — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 05:15:31 +0000

That was the most beautiful thing I have ever read. I just applied for a job as a juvenile justice coordinator and am severely nervous that it will ruin my emotional health. I know that most of them have had horrible lives and experienced trauma beyond my comprehension… that’s why they are there. This has helped me to realize that my goal is to tell them the truth… the way you did and then maybe, just maybe, one of them will end up like Desire. I hope your words will help “Stuck” reach for the light that is her life after such sorrow.

By: SkyLove

SkyLove — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 23:22:39 +0000

Wow!
Thank you for that. I “stumbled” on your column and out of all the ones, I clicked on this one. I lost a daughter at 5 1/2 months and even a year later my “Stuck girl” is still here. Ugh.
I needed to hear exactly what you wrote today. Thank you so much, I am so grateful for your gift of words.

By: Ellie

Ellie — Sun, 20 May 2012 18:11:25 +0000

Oh thank you Dearest Sugar. I wish I could hug you. Meek still words will have to suffice. Thank you making me believe I am strong enough to reach.

By: SM

SM — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 00:52:10 +0000

Thank you for this post (a year and a half later). As someone said above, you have a gift for making grief feel universal. I am grieving the loss of a relationship that I thought would be my forever — not the same as a baby at all, of course, but I am also stuck and unsure how to believe that my future will still be good without him in it. I found some comfort in your answer, Sugar, and in everyone’s comments.

By: Dee

Dee — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 09:40:34 +0000

That was one good advice Sugar. I don’t know what I’d say if somebody comes to me with a problem like that.

By: Tracy Bauman

Tracy Bauman — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 02:10:44 +0000

February 2, 1986 I had my first son, Michael. He died inside of me January 20, 1986 and I carried his little body until he delivered. He will never be forgotten and always be loved. During that horrible time of my life I saw mothers with 2, 3 and 4 kids and my heart broke because my husband and I could have given Michael such a great life. Since then I have four beautiful,smart and wonderfully kind kids and now I am a grandmother of a red-haired little wonder. Time stops for no one. Life is precious and will go on. You are a mother and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Your boyfriend is a father and don’t let anyone push him aside. He is going through his own grief.You will survive and your daughter will always live on in your heart just as my son lives in mine. All the best to the both of you.

By: Steve

Steve — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 03:31:13 +0000

It’s been 21 years since my middle daughter, Amethyst Rose, was stillborn. Most of those years I’ve written something on her birthday.

Grieving isn’t about “getting over” your loss, but about coming to terms with it; not about forgetting, but about learning to live with the memory, and with the hollow place next to your heart that never goes away, but that eventually stops hurting all the time. Just a few times a year.

Yes, our little girls have names, and stories, and talking about them helps. Will always help.