Grieving isn’t about “getting over” your loss, but about coming to terms with it; not about forgetting, but about learning to live with the memory, and with the hollow place next to your heart that never goes away, but that eventually stops hurting all the time. Just a few times a year.

Yes, our little girls have names, and stories, and talking about them helps. Will always help.

and to echo kris, it was a stillbirth, not a miscarriage, for stuck. within the whole continuum of prenatal loss, even if common usage makes the distinction differently, it can perhaps be of some help to know that not only was it not “just” a miscarriage, there is actually a different word that technically applies.

dear stuck- your miscarriage was NOT your fault- it angers and embarrasses me that someone in my profession would even suggest that to you. i wonder how you are doing now, a year later after writing this letter, and hoping that you have been able to heal and find some peace. as many of the responses reflected, you are already a mother, your daughter is truly lucky to have had that much love in her short time on this earth..

dear sugar- you are an amazing writer and i became an instant fan after a dear friend of mine sent me a link to your column during a low point in my grief a couple months ago. i find it interesting that you have written to women struggling with their decision of abortion but chose not to post it…i wish you would because i know so many women would benefit from reading your work. abortion and pregnancy loss are so stigmatized in our society– they are both sisterhoods that at many points overlap. thank you also for suggesting McCracken’s memoir- another close friend of mine who had a pregnancy loss suggested it to me and i read it in one sitting days after my loss..

Gladiator: One person’s suffering does not make another person’s suffering less valid, less important, or less painful. Think about your own children. Would you tell them that their pain of losing their mother young wasn’t as important because you had it worse?

Try this: I’m sorry. I had a horrific childhood and great losses. I emphasize with you.

Hah, I guess I wrote my own quote because I just found the two quotes I thought I was paraphrasing:
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and bleed.”
~ Hemingway
and
“Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”
~ Gene Fowler
Either way, Sugar, you sure know how to bleed and make us all feel it. I think Spirit for people like you.
Sherrie Miranda