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Rumpus Book ClubTed Wilson Reviews the World #43
I-PHONE 4
★★★★★ (1 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the I-phone 4.
Everyone in my Overeaters Anonymous meeting was talking about the I-phone 4 for weeks and weeks. I didn’t know what they were talking about, so I would steer the conversations towards something more familiar. For instance, when Toby would say, “I can’t wait to get the new I-phone,” I would say something like, “Speaking of getting things, I’d like to get some candy. Who’s with me?” This never worked. I hate Toby.
I decided that if I couldn’t beat them, I would join them. Thus began my search for the I-phone. First of all, it’s impossible to find. I went to Sears, Wal-Mart, Starbucks, Chili’s, Cracker Barrel, and about a million other places. Not even the guy at the hot dog stand on Route 5 knew where to get one.
By chance I found an I-phone in a store called Apple (which doesn’t sell any apple pie or anything even mildly related to apples). It was a weird store, sort of like a museum. I couldn’t tell if I was allowed to touch anything. A guy in a t-shirt showed me the I-phone and said I was in fact allowed to touch it.
Let me tell you – I don’t know what all the fuss is about. It’s very pretty and whoever invented it should be proud, except for the fact that there’s no way to call people on it. There’s no keypad. That’s right, NO KEYPAD! I checked both sides. All it has is a TV screen with some colored squares. I tried simply saying a name into the thing to see if it would call that person. (I’ve seen phones like that in movies about the future.) Nothing happened. Not even when I screamed the name.
The price tag said this “phone” was almost $200. For that much I could buy almost three dinners at Arby’s (and if I ate them all at once the Arby’s staff would call someone for me). No thank you. If I get a new phone it will be a cell-phone. I’ve seen those at 7-11.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing the new Grand Slamwich from Denny’s.
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