As for the only reading of one book during a ten year period, I can’t so much relate to that. But it is fascinating in a train wreck sort of way, I guess.

(strikes me as similar, in spirit, to one of my favorite joseph mitchell collections, Up in the Old Hotel and Other Stories (a 1992 collection that includes all of McSorley’s Wonderful Saloon, Old Mr. Flood, The Bottom of the Harbor, and Joe Gould’s Secret plus some additional stories)

would be interested to hear more re your comment below, r. maybe i am misinterpreting. how do you define “nice?” how do you define kind? i wonder.

“He is, however, working on a book about his experiences, and he told me the title: BE NICE, YOU’LL MAKE MORE MONEY. I cannot tell you how many times I have thought of this title, professionally, in the months since it was described to me. It applies to so many things.”

if you have a chance …

have tried hard to be KIND, which i connect with the willingness to be straightforward at times and forceful (in Tibetan Buddhism this is referred to as ruthless compassion, i believe).

i have tried to be kind to all but have worked with a lot of people who are very entitled, arrogant, behave badly because they are rich, powerful, the boss and used to having people kiss their butts (of course–makes economical sense, as you pointed out).

a poor basis for ethics though, which is maybe why he used the word “nice,” which is the superficial kind. but maybe you aren’t interested in talking about ethics here or maybe i am reading this incorrectly….

i have met MANY executives, CEOs, venture capitalists who have been very diplomatic but who did not treat everyone with kindness. they deployed niceness, diplomacy when they met someone who could help them earn money or gain power.

they generally wanted their asses kissed, were used to having them kissed, and had little patience, even tolerance, for people who did not kiss said asses.

so really?

how many truly kind people make a lot of money? maybe a lot, i don’t know.

but again, you said nice …

in my experience the accrual of power and money are not naturally aligned with kindness–niceness, maybe, yes.

have worked as a secretary, in the food service (as a waitress, etc.). some of my employers were nice, fewer kind. the more powerful and rich they were they more they tended to treat people as means to an end (which makes sense because that’s how they got money and power, mainly, by valuing it over human beings, except for that small circle of human beings they considered family and friends).

so i don’t know … about your words … as i’ve said, i am not sure what you’re saying, exactly, as your comment is brief.

and i should say that in my limited knowledge of you you seem nice AND kind.

however, again, i really doubt many wealthy people are all that kind, esp. to underlings (one of which i have been). let’s just say i don’t think they often go out of their way to be kind. i don’t know, maybe this is wrong, maybe i’m being unfair.

i am sometimes not so nice to those in power or those with money; however i do try to be kind. and my kindness and niceness extend to homeless people, for example, people who are not so priveleged, powerful, or monied — because i feel they probably need it more, it probably makes more of a difference to them than to rich comfortable people.

yesterday a cross-dressing mid-30s drag queen in a robe with a towel on her head and bare feet asked me, in walgreens, if i had change for a $5 or a $1. she was half crazy. she then said she was trying to get a bart ticket to oakland and asked for $5. i gave her $2. she stood near me for a very long time. i said “i know it’s really hard.” she moved very close to me and was somewhat snarly and unbalanced. i didn’t move. everyone else in the store dodged her. one rich lady asked if she’d asked me for money. i said yes. she said you know she’s running the same scam on everyone in this store. i said i don’t care about that, that’s okay with me. the store called security. most of the people in the store were white or asian. this man, she, a cross-dresser, was black. sure that figured in in some way, but what figured in mostly was that she was odd, not entirely stable, aggressive (however she did not, as far as i could tell, touch or threaten anyone).

so.

i would rather spend my time attention energy and little money on these people. why? because i’m noble? no, because it’s my nature, always has been, just as it’s been my nature, always, to call people when they’re being manipulative or very selfish or mean (i have also been wrong no doubt, also overreacted). rich powerful people kind of hate this kind of behavior because they will often be NICE to one’s face and MEAN, EVEN CRUEL behind one’s back.

because what seems to matter most to them is the APPEARANCE of being nice or at least no excessively blatantly cruel. that appearance is their money shot.

maybe i’m wrong or confused–it would be nice if this were the case.

Regarding work and jobs, sometimes service jobs can allow us a certain freedom that’s absent in professional office jobs. The best days I ever had at a job were when a particularly insightful and fun co-worker and I worked together at a retail photography store on Saturdays. All manner of customers came in who were full of life, energy and pathology. We talked with them, sold them stuff, listened to their tales of “freelance hell” shooting weddings, product, sea creatures, food or whatever else they were into. The most delicious part of the day was my co-worker and I having drinks together and reliving day through our interactions with the “regulars”. We both loved and hated our customers, but it was the shared commiseration of their particular eccentricities and foibles that made it feel like we were inside a Seinfeld episode together. Having that little bit of camaraderie with a co-worker and re-telling the day over drinks, made all the difference in not seeing that job as just a boring service job and a strange, crazy circus we were both privy to.