Comments on: DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #69: We Are All Savages Inside

By: Holly Knight

Holly Knight — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 17:00:48 +0000

Thich Nhat Hanh calls it sympathetic joy.
And I am feeling it for you today.
Thank you for re-imagining true freedom.

Keep writing.
I’m so fucking happy for you.
Keep writing.

By: Kendra

Kendra — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 05:47:24 +0000

Good lord. This made me acknowledge my selfishly “entitled”, petulant, childish behavior as of late. This made my face go red with shame. And then it picked me up off the ground and gave me clarity.

For the trillionth time… thank you. Thank you, Sugar. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that you have changed my perspective, my LIFE, since the night that I stumbled upon your kind, direct insight when I needed it most back in August 2011. I am bursting with love and gratitude for your existence.

By: KP

KP — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 19:05:10 +0000

I just stumbled on your column today through a friend’s tumblr, and keep crying reading these posts, so happy to hear advice this frank and at the same time this caring and empathetic. I’m 23, and never really had a relationship with my mom where I could trust and put my confidence in her enough to talk to her about my problems. These columns for me are like getting the kind of loving but firm advice I have always wanted so badly. These really mean a lot to me.

By: cinderkeys

cinderkeys — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 09:26:47 +0000

It’s interesting that the jealous people in this thread focus on other people’s external success.

A decade and change ago, I wanted to write a book. I made it through the prologue with a lot of anxiety and effort, telling myself I could edit it later. But it was so, so bad. I had no idea how to fix it. And for a while, reading good fiction sent me into small fits of jealousy. I didn’t wish I had a book deal; I wished I could write that well.

I never did quite figure out novels. I had much better luck with songwriting. Though I’m jealous of the musicians who actually make money playing music, at least I know that I’ve created something good. In that sense, I did what I set out to do.

By: Rita Arens

Rita Arens — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 17:51:56 +0000

Just wandered in. Agree re: this sentence: There isn’t a thing to eat down there in the rabbit hole of your bitterness except your own desperate heart. I’m printing that out and keeping it at my desk. And you’re absolutely right about privilege and self-questioning — it’s hard to be honest with oneself, but it’s the best way out of jealousy.

By: Leah

Leah — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 19:15:56 +0000

This is how I bring myself back down to earth, and truly be happy for friends’ successes:

I remind myself that success comes not only from luck, and talent, and hard work, but also from who you know.

Maybe that successful good friend can help send your manuscript on to their editor one day. I write that also admitting that I know nothing about publishing, and perhaps writing and publishing doesn’t work that way. But nonetheless, successful people want to help their friends – especially the ones who do have talent, and deserve a shot.

Perhaps this adds a selfish twist to things, but it works for me. I really do enjoy my friends’ achievements, and everybody’s happier for it.

By: Richard Thomas

Richard Thomas — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 18:23:53 +0000

Oh, just to clarify, I didn’t write that letter.

By: SynchoPat

SynchoPat — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 09:40:29 +0000

The Stain that came straight down from Cain; but it all started with Adam and his madam.

Heckuva counsel, Sugar.

By: Maggie

Maggie — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 01:07:23 +0000

Jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion. Maybe this writer needs to work it out with a therapist. I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell someone to just “stop feeling” whatever it is they feel. That’s next to impossible most of the time. I believe we have to fully acknowledge our emotions before we can begin to let them go. “The best way out is always through.” -Robert Frost

By: J.M. Perkins

J.M. Perkins — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 21:39:49 +0000

Oh man. This is the best advice I’ve heard about dealing with artist jealousy next to Art and Fear. Thanks for writing this sugar, this is something the world (or at least all us artists) need to hear over and over again.