Comments on: DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #80: The Ordinary Miraculous

By: K

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 01:18:26 +0000

To put it lightly, Sugar: you are my Messiah. Thank you for being you.

By: foxes_garden

foxes_garden — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 23:57:53 +0000

My grandmother was 90 yeears old when my daughter was born. She knew that she wouldn’t have many years to know her, and she passed away at 92. But before she died she gave me a ring with a tiny diamond for my daughter’s 15th birthday. I have it on a shelf in my closet, waiting for the day when my grandmother can reach forward and touch my daughter’s life again.

Thanks for your story about the red dress.

By: Hendo

Hendo — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 06:38:18 +0000

PS Meant to say, my grandmother passed away when I was 8, I was 26 when I found this stuff. She was my last living grandparent too, mine all passed when I was very young.

By: Hendo

Hendo — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 06:37:22 +0000

Sugar. I have read a few of your columns now (linked through by lovely ladies on http://thehairpin.com) and while a lot of what you say has resonated with me, I really wanted to tell you this one got me… I felt like this a couple of years ago, when my mother said she had a box of my grandmother’s stuff I might like to look in. I found some diaries by her… I discovered she kept a diary the same way I do, with random shopping lists on one page and thoughtful ideas about her volunteer work on the next. I found an entry dated on my birthday – six years before I was born – which talked about some of the exact same issues I have with my own work… I was about to head off on a year working overseas as a volunteer. It felt like she had directly sent me a message. I cried while I copied out the entry and I ended up putting a sentence as the subtitle of the blog I wrote while I was overseas, because it summed up the year perfectly.

By: Crissy

Crissy — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 01:08:13 +0000

Dear Sugar,
I havnt been on here for a while…been busy having two boys! I’ve been hanging onto a few little baby girl clothes that Ive collected over the years in anticipation of having a future daughter. Ive recently accepted that Im blessed to have two boys and do not want to have any more children…so I donated most of the clothes, but there were a few pieces that I just couldnt let go of and after your Red Dress story I realized maybe these pieces werent meant for a daughter that Ill never have, but for a granddaughter or future neice? Anyway, beautiful writing and thanks for sharing such a precious story. Ive missed reading your words.

By: Mari

Mari — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 14:09:14 +0000

To Ellen – It will be ok. In fact, it will be more than ok and life will get a lot better for you. After over 25 years of marriage, I got out. I couldn’t live with my spouse’s anger, and I cound’t help him. I decided that I had to help myself first. I will always love him; my heart will always carry sadness at having decided to get out. But, I am much more at peace and much more healthy physically and emotionally because I made that tough decision. Things will work out for you and will get better. Take really good care of yourself, Ellen.

By: Ellen

Ellen — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 15:51:06 +0000

Wow, this hit me hard: “By trusting that the most compassionate thing of all is to release those we don’t love hard enough or true enough or big enough or right. By believing we are all worthy of hard, true, big, right love. By remembering. By letting go.” I’ve been married for 25 years to a man who has become angry over the last decade or so. I thought it was all his fault but I realized, just now, that I can’t love him enough to help him get through it (although he doesn’t seem to want to) or enough to live with it. Now it’s time to figure out how to leave. Amazing, Sugar. Absolutely amazing.

By: TinaB

TinaB — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 02:57:12 +0000

Sugar writes like a motherfucker. Amazing to have stumbled upon this tonight, when I needed it. Looking forward to more.

By: kk

kk — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 00:27:00 +0000

Sugar,

I’m sobbing, and I feel blessed. Everytime I read your column, I feel like you must be my sister, my mother, my best friend – just the one I’ve never met.

Thank you, for you.

By: Gretchen

Gretchen — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 07:35:32 +0000

I agree with Kellie who wrote, “Truly sharing yourself – all of yourself – with someone is a gift. Not a burden. If your lovers haven’t been able to see that & feel honored to know the real you, well…”

So true.