How often have you read application guidelines such as: “Artists working in their home countries, women, emerging writers, and people of color are encouraged to apply”? Have you felt flattered by the special invitation? Or perhaps dismayed that your demographic needs extra encouragement? What if the phenomenon went beyond race and gender?
“Too Hot, Too Cold”
The South Tree Performing Arts Collective seeks monologues and spoken-word poetry exploring the Sisyphean experience of trying to regulate one’s own body temperature.
Quonset huts, 1970’s refrigerators, and young children outfitted for sledding are encouraged to apply.
The Hopsworth Community Center has posted the theme of its biannual outdoor sculpture garden competition: “Unexpected Success.” Judges this year have requested large three-dimensional works that portray some aspect of overcoming a challenge – especially one that no one believed you could overcome.
The judges have specifically requested submissions from late bloomers, ne’er do wells that now do well, and short people who come across as quite tall.
“I Talk, You Listen”
The Communications Disorders Department of Crane University has issued a call to artists for its upcoming symposium: “I Talk, You Listen”: If Only It Were That Simple. Artists’ works will be featured on the symposium program, the refreshments table napkins, and on the screensaver of the digital overhead projector.
First generation iPhone users, ex lovers, and misunderstood house cats are especially welcome to submit their work.
“The Objectification of Objects”
The North American Museum of Post-Post Modern Art, with support from the Shirley H. Levy Foundation, is pleased to announce that it expects to complete its semi-centennial retrospective well ahead of schedule. “The Objectification of Objects” will juxtapose real objects with objectified objects in what many critics are heralding as “the greatest juxtaposition since black and white.”
Anticipating a July 2013 opening, Curator Hannah Levy has invited objects and objectified objects to audition for a live installation. Levy has expressed interest in working with Rubix Cubes, models, leg-lamps à la A Christmas Story, Elvis impersonators, and female superheroes.
Are you the first in your family to hold a seat in Congress? Have you built a formidable empire in technology or media from the ground up? If so, please consider sharing your story with the Annex Club’s popular magazine, Blank. The theme of our next issue is “Self-Made,” and we’re interested in nonfiction, self-portraits, and autobiographical collage from people who got where they are today based on preferential treatment and networking. Reward: money, awards, and applause until supply has exhausted demand. Please have your personal assistant submit your work to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Perhaps it goes without saying that we will not be able to accept submissions from anyone working in their home countries, emerging artists, people of color, or women.
Please submit your own funny writing to funnywomen AT therumpus dot net. See first: Funny Women Submission Guidelines.
To read other Funny Women pieces and interviews, see the archives.