★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the foxtrot.
Of all the dances, locomotion included, the foxtrot is my favorite. This won’t come as a surprise to anyone who knows me and my love for all things fox-related, no matter how loosely. There are plenty of obvious reasons to love the foxtrot, but there are also some hidden wonders.
When done correctly, the dance is so smooth it feels like you’re literally flying. Without the power of flight I can’t say this with absolute authority, but prove me wrong if you can.
There are health benefits to the foxtrot. It’s been scientifically hypothesized that this dance also combats Down syndrome. This is great news for anyone who feels they may be gaining an extra chromosome or those who want to ensure they don’t.
Possibly the most interesting fact about the foxtrot is that I think I may have invented it. I’m not 100% positive but I can’t remember learning it from anyone. Someone else may have invented it before me, but completely independently, in which case I still invented it, just not as first as I could have.
As much as I love the foxtrot dance, I’m not a fan of the comic strip FoxTrot. It’s not that I don’t think it’s funny. It’s hilarious. The problem is that every time I see it in the paper, for a split second I think it’s going to be about my favorite dance. Then, when I realize what it actually is, I am met with disappointment. Sometimes I white out the punchline and write in my own with something about the dance. This always proves to be more fulfilling than the original. That’s why I’m planning to start my own comic called The Real Foxtrot. My lawyer says I shouldn’t but my heart says I should.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Kony.