CADBURY CREME EGGS
★★★★★ (5 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Cadbury Creme Eggs.
According to the makers of the Cadbury Creme Egg, the eggs are laid by bunnies. I’m not sure I believe this is possible. Then again, I didn’t think reanimating ants was possible after they’d been put in a freezer, but my microwave proved me wrong.
Besides, I’ve seen no evidence to support the claim that bunnies can’t lay candied eggs. After all, if turtles can do it, why can’t bunnies? Obviously the eggs are not laid fully wrapped. Low-income workers make that happen.
I wonder what happens when a Cadbury Creme Egg is fertilized. Does it mature into a chocolate bunny filled with a gooey happiness? Probably not. The fact that I’ve never seen a living chocolate bunny makes me think this special breed of bunnies must be unable to reproduce, like mules. (But this is much more tragic because I’ve almost never wanted to eat a mule.)
Cadbury Creme Eggs are, for some reason, very divisive. People tend to either love them, or find them disgusting. Those who fall into the latter group are commonly known as “lame-o’s.” In my interview with Wylie Dufresne, he told me he used to eat Cadbury Creme Eggs “all the time as a kid,” but now he finds them too sweet.
I tried to get my own bunny to lay Cadbury Creme Eggs. First I had to buy a bunny. Then I tried feeding him only Cadbury Creme Eggs. Then, when I bought a replacement bunny, I tried a new tactic. I yelled at him whenever he didn’t lay a Cadbury Creme Egg. That’s how the Herricks down the street teach their kids things. It didn’t work either. I would have settled for even just a regular egg, but this bunny was too good for that.
Whatever the Cadbury company has done to breed or maybe even genetically engineer these egg-laying bunnies, my hats are off to them. Kudos! I spent over six months trying and the closest I got was a dream I had where my bunny sweated Skittles.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Dollywood.