and laura: maybe i’ve just had some bad experiences, but both in my personal and work life i have seen multiple occasions where men were ‘turned on enough’ to ignore their normal moral code. and as a former drug addict, i can see kind of where it comes from – that orgasm (or in my case, shot) just feels so good that you’re willing to overlook the fact it really does go against your moral code. sometimes there’s remorse after, and sometimes it’s so worth it that we continue to do so, despite knowing what we’re doing is wrong. humans are designed to want as much pleasure as possible.

of course, that’s just speculation on my part.

Where I have a problem is when a person knows that someone is being victimized and still seeks out the experience. Max, how can you still find a situation erotic knowing that the other person is a victim? The commenter Sothpat – how can you completely lose your idealism just because you are “turned on enough”. I will never understand those who see sex and pleasure as soemthing that can be “taken” at the expense of others. How does sexuality cause someone to completely lose site of their humanity in thsi way?

I would like to clarify something that I think some commenters misunderstood, and that neither Max nor Antonia have clarified yet. When Max said, about trafficked sex workers,

“Thing is, they are not glassy-eyed robot slaves sobbing under their oppressor like you see in movies about this kind of thing. They’re funny, they’re charming, they’re nice to you”,

I don’t think he was saying this to justify his participation in any way. What I believe he meant was that he was surprised by this. And therefore that if you as a John feel a moral obligation to avoid participating in this abuse, in this non-consensual sex (and there are no excuses for not feeling that moral obligation), then you are going to have to be more vigilant than the TV and movies would lead you to believe. You cannot be certain that someone isn’t trafficked just because they appear happy and tell you a good story about their situation. I think Max was just reporting this, because Johns need to know.

I’d also like to add that, having been able to avail myself of opportunities to become comfortable with sexual interactions by paying for them when they were very infrequently available to me through conventional avenues (because I was too shy and ashamed and performance-anxious and just generally did not have the skills for seduction and therefore could not seduce, though I am an otherwise handsome devil and well-rounded and loved person) has had a big role in making me into the man the women I like want me to be: confident, less selfish, not afraid of making emotional connections, etc. etc.

I’d like to think all those gains for me were had from women who were making a completely free choice to have a sexual encounter with me for money, but although I can’t think of an instance where I was pretty sure the woman I was with was trafficked, I know that the odds are that this not true, partly because of what Max says about it not necessarily being obvious. But in an ideal world, this would be the case.

I’ve had several occasion to speak to Asian massage parlor workers in San Francisco and I will relay to you how they feel about being viewed as forced labor.
They’re appalled by the anti prostitution/anti sex trafficking groups and media who manufactured and use the trafficking frame work to depict them as hapless victims.

This false and misleading media awareness campaigns has effected their economy to the detriment and forced them to work longer hours and lower their rates in order make up for the last revenue. The customer in this interview, Max, seems to have taken this popular white people interpretation of his Asian Massage Parlor experience and doesn’t consider other factors which isn’t very balanced. It seems he and others have drunk the kool-aid as we say here in San Francisco when referring to those who have to be told how to think and feel as they run like the lemming off the cliff.

Too, this business of sex shaming men for wanting sex and or kinds of sex is really immature.
Many of the comments lack an adult respectful perspective expressing so much negative judgment about themselves and their partners obviously based on lack of information about sexuality in general. Please spend some time educating yourselves about the basics of sexuality.

Yes, of course sex trafficking is an important issue, but I think you have it backwards. You say that concern about sex trafficking was what gives rise to repugnance against sex work. I think the repugnance against sex work gives rise to worries about sex trafficking. After all, we don’t see those same religious and police groups chasing down those who would enslave Brazilian sugar cane workers, Dominican nannies or Hatian baseball-makers. There is a lot of slavery and coercion in the world, a lot to work on. Why focus only on sexual coercion?

I think the wave of concern about sex trafficking is perfectly valid and important, but I also think that the size of the anti-trafficking movement is out of proportion to the real scale of the problem. I know people involved in anti-sex-trafficking efforts and I applaud them. But why is Mimi Chakarova feted at US Embassies while other activists, those who oppose labor abuses by WalMart or Apple contractors, say, are shut out completely?

Here’s my theory: Sex freaks people out. Those who are most freaked out by prostitution, porn, queerness and sexual deviance may often be battling their own desires, e.g, Ted Haggard, or be dealing with other complex feelings of inadequacy, betrayal, or disappointment, e.g. some of the comment-writers we see here.