Comments on: Explicit Violence

By: Anon

Anon — Sat, 16 Feb 2013 18:25:42 +0000

Thank you for writing this. 25 years ago when I was 15 my father and I were browsing at a bookstore. He kept standing too close to me and I just wanted to be alone. I rolled my eyes and walked away and something in him snapped. He followed me, grabbed my arm, and started screaming at me while shaking me so hard my teeth nearly rattled. A few feet away a line of half a dozen people snaked toward the cash register. All of them pretended nothing happened, and I still hate them for it.

By: Carlin W

Carlin W — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 16:27:04 +0000

I’m echoing what so many others have already said so well: thank you for writing this. there is a truth that resonates deep within me, and I would guess almost all of us. your honesty shows me that paying attention and LISTENING (or reading) to women’s experiences is such a crucial part of men learning to understand the reality that we swim in. and that all forms and gradations of violence affect our loved ones negatively. Thank you again. I pledge to keep your words in my heart and mind – as a man, as a partner, as a soon-to-be father, and as a fellow human.

By: Kate

Kate — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 05:21:51 +0000

It’s important for people–men and women–who have been abused and who have gone on to continue that pattern of abuse, or addiction, or being hurtful to those they’ve encountered, to take responsibility for their own hurtful actions, no matter how painful that process might be; it is the only way to truly heal and grow. What ever happened to that pregnant woman on the road who was hit by a car driven by a drunk driver? How come we hear about all other sorts of pain in that book, but nothing about how the author felt about this? I’m sure the author had to feel terrible guilt about this, terrible sorrow. But it’s never explored. In a book that is raw, that is explicit, that is brutally honest. Nothing is shared about what that pregnant woman must’ve gone through. Nothing is shared about how did the author deal with this? Make no mistake,she is not the first or the last person who made a mistake; whose history of experiencing abuse and easing it with addiction led to the terrible moment/moments of hurting another person. But why didn’t she tell us how she dealt with it? Why didn’t she share her emotions or pain about how her choices affected a pregnant woman, or how she felt afterwards? How come she didn’t explore how that pregnant woman must’ve felt getting hit by a drunk driver? Where is the accoutabillity? This was a moment where the protagonist made a huge mistake, but she doesn’t explore it at all. It’s so troubling. It’s even more troubling that hardly anyone notices it. One day, I hope that the author will talk about it. Because many of us who have experienced abuse, many of us who have been addicted have made huge mistakes like that. We’ve missed out on the author’s experience of how she dealt with it and what she felt. It is a black hole in the narrative.

By: Georgia Van Gunten

Georgia Van Gunten — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 23:02:14 +0000

Lidia,
I have read “The Chronology of Water” and it changed my life. After reading this blog, my life again will never be the same and I will ask every woman I know to read this. You are an amazing writer and a warrior and a woman and a human and I stand in awe of your fearlessness and your generosity. A teacher and a great writer (Tim Hernandez, author of Skyntax) told me that all writers should contact the writers who have inspired them, who have driven them, whose power has a writer strikes a chord deep in our hearts. I am a writer, and I would be honored to exchange some letters with you perhaps in honor of Rilke’s “Letters to a young poet” or even if you had a moment to read my latest short story inspired by the tools Amy Hempel uses in her own writing, I would be beyond honored and incredibly grateful.
I too am a survivor. I too want to find the voice to tell my own story. Thank you for showing me that its not only possible, but necessary.

By: Geat Ods

Geat Ods — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 19:25:07 +0000

At first I thought this was going to be an article about violence and people’s lack of sympathy or ignorance, but I found myself siding with the opening guy a little bit more than I feel comfortable with. He seemed like such an asshole at first, but I think I was missing his point. He wasn’t saying he was a victim of women bitching too much. He was saying he’s sick of his entire gender being blamed for the actions of its members. The author says she was in a bar and people were laughing so his method of saying that was joking. Maybe not such an asshole. Especially after reading the phrase “male violence” constantly. I wanted to be on the author’s side, and I still am in a empathetic, human, we’re-all-in-this-together way, but it just felt a little sexists. I feel like a piece against violence overall would better suite her goals. In this form, most men would read this and say something along the lines of, “well here’s another extreme feminist declaring all men to be evil.” and miss some of the good ideas about compassion and empathy that this piece attempts to address. Also most of the violence described, I feel like, could just as easily be committed by women. Maybe it’s not statically high, but possible. Most of the men I know would condemn these acts of violence as well. I think she’s a bit biased having grown up with such an abusive father. That obviously sent her in a bad direction at a young age. She met and related to others that had experienced such lives and those people are a lot more prone to violence. I think this is obvious since she said it took her til grad school to realize such violence isn’t normal or that she doesn’t deserve it. I think if a man wrote a similar article and referred to something as “female violence” I would get really offended and not take the rest of what they said to heart. That’s my whole point, I guess. There’s a lot of violence in this world that needs to be taken care of, but this distracts from that by making it a “women’s issue” dividing us even further.

By: Libby Tarian

Libby Tarian — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 17:08:27 +0000

While I sympathise and have my own stories to tell, I think it’s very important to have a strategy. Here are a few suggestions. I’d like to see more of this on all blogs where injustice is being described. No matter how well and bravely someone depicts abuse, without a “strategy” for action it is bound to continue. Sympathy will not stop it. Violent sexual offenders aren’t “persuaded” by sympathy for victims otherwise they would not have acted in the first place. Violence is perpetrated on the powerless or THINK they are powerless, and even to blame, as this article so eloquently points out. So here are some suggestions of how to use your power to fight back where it will deter abusers:

Walk out of movies when violence is being promoted as entertainment.
Do not buy literature (if we can even use that term) that sexually exploits people. (50 Shades of Grey, fashion mags etc)
Do not buy magazines that pick on women\(and occasionally men) socially (trash mags that have pictures of movie stars cellulite on them etc – gossipy degrading stories about KK or LiLo etc you know the ones)
Do not buy clothing from companies that use overly sexually or violent images of anyone (so many fashion companies do but there are a few good ones around so you won’t go nekkid)
Refuse to eat at restaurants where the staff are over exposed, uncomfortable (forced to wear heels while waitressing) or cold due to lack of clothing).
When you see someone bullied at work, do not join in.
Do not engage in malicious power gossipping at work or socially.

Tell the restaurant manager why – get their boss’s email, get their CEO’s email. Tell them why you won’t do business with them.
Tell the publisher why you won’t subscribe or buy a book or magazine.
Tell the fashion store manager and CEO why you won’t buy their clothes.
Get the email address of managers and directors and CEO’s of companies that offend you via advertising or the way the manage their staff, and email them why.
Tell the movie director why you walked out of their movie.
Tell the theatre manager why you walked out.
Tell your everyone why you won’t roll with the punches any more.
Tell everyone who offends you, why you don’t want to do business with them and you don’t want to give them your company.

Don’t worry if they don’t approve. That’s the point of violence and exploitation. To overrule your objection to it. The opinions of people you don’t respect should leave you completely undeterred.

If a new person in your life reflects a violent, sexual or otherwise degrading comment to you, tell them you object and why. If they become abusive in any way, tell them why over your shoulder as you leave. This especially applies to dating.

Stand your ground.
Vote with you wallet.
Vote with your feet.
Vote at the polls.

By: Libby Tarian

Libby Tarian — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 15:59:11 +0000

Amazing.

What’s most ironic is that if you read stories of women in the country we have been fighting in for 10 years, Afghanistan, and are soon to withdraw from, those stories are not that far off yours. People forget so soon.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 07:21:50 +0000

Your voice is so powerful. Thank you for putting into words what a lot of can not. Looking to reading more of your work.

By: K

Fri, 31 Aug 2012 19:37:19 +0000

I went through some similar experiences, and thought I was alone. Thank you for writing this… how awful it is that this is treated as if it’s “normal”.

By: Bee

Bee — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 18:42:50 +0000

I got through the whole thing without one tear, but after reaching the last sentence, I burst into some long-overdue weeping.

I never know how to express my thanks for a piece such as this – written with such honesty, knowing how much pain had to be to make this possible – without sounding like a moron.

Despite never having seen the levels of abuse the author experienced personally, I found parts of this piece reflecting my worldview back to me almost perfectly.

Heartbreaking, gorgeous, and so candid it almost feels like exhibitionism – more women need to write pieces like this, that hit you in the face, and demand you feel something besides apathy.

Thank you.