The Daily Rumpus
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From Stephen Elliott
My wife got upset last night, after she heard about the Rand Paul supporters who tackled a progressive activist named Lauren Valle. One of them stepped on her head. Valle suffered a concussion. The technical term is aggravated battery.
(If you came here looking for porn we recommend Kink.com sites.)
Steve Almond interviews his mom about her new book The Monster Within: The Hidden Side of Motherhood. (That’s right, Steve’s mom wrote a book about a mother’s fear of having a terrible child.)
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“You will have to imagine my confusion when Ms. Nutting’s debut story collection, Unclean Jobs for Women and Girls, appeared on my doorstep. She had chosen to defy all reasonable laws of feminine desire by spurning me as a sexual object.
How I Became a Music Critic:
At age 19, I was assigned to review Bob Dylan in concert, despite the fact that I had very little sense of who Bob Dylan was. I was doing a summer internship at my hometown paper, and the regular critic had fallen ill.
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(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995… but this is the end of the line)
With an introduction by Matthew Zapruder **
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(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Graduation Party
It looks, from a distance, like a track and field tourney:
so much avid motion in shorts and T-shirts
the college field house rented for the occasion
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
The Math of Betrayal
The math of betrayal my friends will never line up
...more(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Cry Timber
I am long tired
of the tyranny
of trees
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
To the Men At Work Outside My Window
See here, fellows: It is me, your skinny-stemmed little daisy faggot boy
Yoo-hoo! Yes, me – the fellow you keep glaring at.
I have a few things to say, if I might.
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Sinatra Time
It’s got nothing to do with nothing, pal,
if you wanna know the truth.
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Juice
Today the jury voted to “acquit”
though the way the word leapt forth
was the way a Southern gentleman cedes
a game in frustration
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
In Hiroshima
In Hiroshima, after the bomb
the sick lay close as lovers,
the strong put tags on those
who stood no chance
later to be flayed by fire
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Riptide
Because we are men of a certain age
without visible boundaries or excuses
we ignore the yellow flap of caution flags
and the lifeguard propped against wet wind
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Michael Jordan Chews Gum
Substantially harder than you or me
a clamping motion that knots the muscles
of his already severely toned presagital ridge
and speaks to some higher form of scorekeeping,
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Hobo Chant, LaFayette, Louisiana, 1937
dem coals inside your chest
dem coals is hot and white
you gotta change your mackacheese
if you wanna be ma wife
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
How We See the Aged
A woman pulls at the pilled pleat
of her seersucker skirt with one hand,
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Owed to Water
It is said the ocean forgets everything
forgets the lash of lightning and the stones
it grinds to sand and the planks it swallows
without joy or renunciation
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Sartre, You’re Such an Asshole
You thought your derriere off, no beef there.
But your heart: was it missing a valve or something?
Why do all your plays end in suicide?
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
The Fruit Standkeeper, Wroclaw
His hands are a thing of beauty,
long, thick fingers moving in webs
grazing apples and onions
settling each into the rusted cradle
of his scale, the needle’s soft bounce
It is as if God composed these hands, or Mozart
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Trained
You will ask why I never tore her down
with my famous claws and arrowed jaws
why instead I sat about, moewed,
and on occasion lept through fire.
(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)
Duck
They were so young, this couple
still new to their stories,
looking ahead and not looking,
locked into marriage. The problem
Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995.
Weather Channel
Al Jiminy, two doors down in 13,
is an addict. Day and night
his TV beams feeds of storms
lolling across the careless globe.
Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995.
Viper
She told me how, as a
girl, she slept each night
with a different stuffed
animal to make the
others jealous
Introducing Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner, a new Rumpus column where Steve Almond highlights a wonderfully bad poem written by him, his younger self, or another bad poet. Enjoy.
Kafka At The 50 Yard Line (Shady Side)
Cockroach and quarterback
what a curious pair
One craves pork rinds, the other
flings pigskins into air