This week in New York, there are plenty of things to do if you’re not going to be at AWP in Chicago (sad face): Sam Lipsyte reads at Stony Brook; Agorafabulous! at WORD; Behind the Curtain: A Magazine Roundtable; Ellen Ullman and Maud Newton at BookCourt; Björk; the Steel Magnolias Cry-Along at 92YTribeca; and Phillip Lopate and the Brooklyn Philharmonic in concert.

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This week in New York, Beatrice.com hosts Blogger/Author; Critics Circle on the Oscars; The Rumpus: Letters in the Mail at Housing Works; How I Learned to Chill the F@#k Out About a Lot of Things; Sideshow Goshko; 2-year of The Soundtrack Series; Tom McCarthy reads from Men In Space at 192 Books; Floating Kabarette at Galapagos; and Jean Strouse and Colm Tóibín on Alice James.

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This week in New York, A Point of View on a Point of View, The Franklin Park Reading Series, SMITH Magazine’s Six-Word Story Show, Page Meets Stage with Amy Lemmon and Lemon Anderson, Michael Showalter at WORD, Gameshow Speakeasy, An Homage to Piri Thomas, and KGB Bar Sunday Night Fiction.

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This week in New York, I Heart Bomb Magazine reading, Granta Issue 118 launch, Gregory Orr on poetry as survival, Bernice McFadden at The Center for Fiction, Just Working on My Breakup at WORD, a 50th anniversary celebration of A Wrinkle in Time, and an anti-Valentine’s Day film screening at Bluestockings.
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This week in New York, poet Phil Kaye at Louder Arts, Corset Busters reading, Dave Isay at Greenlight, poet Billy Collins at Strand Books, Nerd Nite speed-dating, James Shapiro on William Shakespeare, and KGB Bar Sunday Night Fiction.

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This week in New York, Ben Marcus reads from The Flame Alphabet; Mark Strand at 192 Books; E.L. Doctorow at Strand; New York Magazine and Longreads team up at Housing Works; Edith Wharton Marathon Reading; Art Battles: Battle for Poland; the Beaches Sing and Cry Along at 92Y Tribeca; and Amy Chua reads from Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

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This week in New York, The Black Power Mixtape 1967—1975 at BAM; Grizzly Adams: The Musical; Reverend Billy at Book Court; Why We Broke Up at WORD; The Nervous Breakdown at KGB Bar; A night with Blondes at PopRally; and Writers Read at (Le) Poisson Rouge.
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This week in New York, The Franklin Park Reading Series with Sam Lipsyte and Gary Lutz; Emily Books hosts author Emily Carter at WORD; Speed Shrinking for the New Year with Susan Shapiro; Couplet, a poetry and reading series; Poet Drew Gardner’s Flarf Orchestra CD Release Party; The Beatles Complete on Ukulele; and KGB Bar Sunday Night Fiction.

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Happy New Year! This week in New York, Monologues and Madness, Patti Smith at St. Marks Bookshop, (Re)making Media on DIY in the digital age at McNally Jackson, All the Single Ladies reading at WORD, Inspired Word’s 2 Year Anniversary Party, Lucas Klauss reads from Everything You Need to Survive an Apocalypse, and KGB Bar Sunday Fiction Night.

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This week in New York, a reading at The Poetry Project, Digable Planets at Brooklyn Bowl, Page Meets Stage with Jeffrey McDaniel and Amber Tamblyn, The Soundtrack storytelling series, and Hanukkomedy at the 92YTribeca.
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“On her blog, ‘A Love Letter From London,’ an architectural historian named Lisa Marie, who blogs under the name Miss Marie, wrote that ‘the continued devotion of Oscar Wilde’s fans more than 100 years after his death, represented by those lipstick marks, enhanced the impact of Epstein’s bold, modern memorial, making it an even more fitting monument to a great decadent and aesthete.’…A half dozen or so readers replied, all agreeing. ‘A drooled and kissed over tomb is as much history as the man who’s resting there,’ wrote a blogger who calls herself Superheidi.”

—From the New York Times, “Walling Off Oscar Wilde’s Tomb From Admirers’ Kisses” in response to the decision by Oscar Wilde’s family to cleanse his Parisian tomb of lipstick kisses and build a 7ft. glass wall to protect the tomb from admirers and their lipstick “defacement” and “erosion.”

This week in New York, the Franklin Park Reading Series; David Lipsky on David Foster Wallace; the 2011 Awkward Office Lit Mag Party; RISK!; launch party for OCCUPY! Scenes from Occupied America; PopRally’s Reliquary House: An Evening with Oneohtrix Point Never and Nate Boyce; and the BOMB magazine reading and holiday party.

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Yuck. According to a new study, most people who are presented with descriptions of women from British “lad’s mags” and statements made about women from convicted rapists can’t tell which source the comments came from.

When presented with the statements, some of the study participants—men between the ages of 18 and 46—identified most with the quotes from convicted rapists. In a separate group of men and women between the ages of 19 and 30, researches asked participants to rank the comments based on how derogatory they were: men and women both ranked the magazine quotes as more derogatory. I’m glad this study was done, and quite honestly, the results didn’t surprise me. Have you flipped through those men’s magazines before? Scantily clad women, how to get in the pants of those scantily clad women, sports, and gadgets. Read more about the study participants and results here.

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This week in New York, Oscar Hijuelos and William Kennedy at the 92nd Street Y; The Paris Review Winter Issue Party; Freerange Fiction reading at Pianos; Authors Martha Southgate and Elissa Schappell at KGB Bar; Poet Alice Fulton reads at Hunter College; David Sedaris at Strand; and WORD hosts its 3rd Annual Holiday Open House.
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Long: Chinese novelist Zhang Wei’s book, You Are on the Highland, is 10 volumes, took him to 22 years to finish, and may be China’s longest novel ever. This year, the book(s?) won Zhang China’s Mao Dun Literature Prize.

Short: Illustrator Lou Beach’s new book, 420 Characters, is a collection of short stories limited to the 420 limit Facebook used to impose on status updates.

An excerpt: HE CALLED AGAIN. I accepted the charges of course, paid no attention to what he was saying, it’s always the same story. I focused on the background noise — the grunts and rough laughter, the shouting. Once I heard a scream, his receiver clattered against the wall, the line went dead. I picture the wall, men leaning against it, scratching names and pictures into it, waiting for their turn. I try to imagine the smell. I can’t.

This week in New York, a launch party for Emily Books; n + 1 readings at The Kitchen; How I Learned the Rules of Attraction: Stories About Online Dating; Happy Hour poetry reading with Jericho Brown and Mark Doty; a reading from the Beautiful Life, the Annie sing-along!; and a marathon reading of The Adventures of Mao on the Long March.

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Pepper is a spice found in almost every household. But in recent news it’s got a bad wrap as the weapon Pepper Spray, used against peaceful protesters and Black Friday shopping competition.

At the Village Voice, Robert Sietsema has come up with a list of five foods that could be turned into weapons. Some of his suggestions for future weapons: cabernet sauvignon vinegar, okra slime, and Taiwanese stinky tofu:

“Cabernet Sauvignon Vinegar — Put this incredibly strong acid in the hoses and point them at those OWS wusses, and they’ll be weeping the moment it gets into their eyes. Save the runoff for a vinaigrette to be used by Bloomberg’s private chef.”

via 3quarksdaily

This week in New York, Sapphire and Sherman Alexie at the 92nd Street Y; Steve Almond reads from God Bless America; The Gaslight Salon Series; Slick Rick performs; Floating Kabarette; and KGB Bar’s Graphic Novelist Night.

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Fiction Circus is campaigning for YouTube to add a “Literature” category to its current list of categories, which includes music, entertainment, sports, news and politics, comedy, and education.

“Filling YouTube with literature, like filling a head with infected snot, will not be easy,” writes Miracle Jones in the manifesto, which includes 14 benefits from having a literature category, including visibility for authors, a space for uploading or viewing book trailers and for viewing in-depth author interviews.

It would be nice to watch a recorded reading by my favorite author without getting distracted by all those cute cats and babies.

via GalleyCat

“Writers wear atrocious clothes when writing. So terrible that I have been asked, by the UPS man, ‘Are you all right?’ An example: stretched-out pajama bottoms imprinted with cowboys on bucking broncos, paired with my husband’s red thermal undershirt (no guilt; he wouldn’t even wear such a thing in Alaska) and a vest leaking tufts of down, with a broken zipper and a rhinestone pin in the shape of pouting lips. Furry socks with embossed Minnie Mouse faces (the eyes having deteriorated in the wash) that clash with all of the above.”

—The seventh of Ann Beattie’s seven truths about writers from her new book, Mrs. Nixon: A Novelist Imagines a Life, excerpted in The New Yorker.

This week in New York, the Franklin Park Reading Series with Electric Literature; Authors & Editors with Peter Orner, Love and Shame and Love, and his editor, Pat Strachan; Page Meets Stage with U.S. Poet Laureate Philip Levine and spoken-word poet Adam Falkner; a fiction and poetry reading with Matthea Harvey and Lynne Tillman; Nerd Nite at Galapagos; A Season of Poetry at the New York Botanical Garden; and InDigest’s Issue 22 launch party.

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I usually read Wikipedia to find the answers to find the answer to totally random questions that I feel a burning need to find answers to, such as: How many kids made up the DeBarge family? or What is District 9’s industry? Nothing too serious, so I don’t ever pay attention to the writing. But apparently there’s really bad writing on Wikipedia. Authors Conor Lastowka and Josh Fruhlinger have compiled about 200 of Wikipedia’s worst writing, with humorous commentary on each entry, into a new book called, [Citation Needed] – The Best of Wikipedia’s Worst Writing.

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This week in New York, n+1 talks Occupy; a release party for Jonathan Lethem’s The Ecstasy of Influence; Largehearted Lit reading at WORD; Leslie Goshko hosts music and poetry at the Nuyorican; Percival Everett at 192 Books; a discussion on Kashmir: The Case for Freedom; Horror After 9/11; Poem Forest; and KGB Bar Sunday Night Fiction.

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Thanks to a meeting with Manhattan Borough President Scott M. Stringer, St. Mark’s will keep its doors open. Cooper Union has agreed to reduce the store’s rent by $2,500 and forgive $7,000 in debt. The school will also let some of its students help store owners Bob Contant and Terry McCoy revise their business plan.

And if you happen to be in the East Village, stop in and buy a book.

via The Paris Review

If you’re participating in NaNoWriMo and have your story idea, pen, paper, laptop, and inspirational soundtrack, but are still blocked, check out these words of wisdom from some of “history’s fastest, most prolific authors” at The Atlantic. Read advice from Joyce Carol Oates, Christopher Hitchens, Stephen King, and others.

My favorite entry comes from Muriel Spark (I dig cat people):

“If you want to concentrate deeply on some problem, and especially some piece of writing or paper-work, you should acquire a cat. Alone with the cat in the room where you work, I explained, the cat will invariably get up on your desk and settle placidly under the desk lamp. The light from a lamp, I explained, gives a cat great satisfaction. The cat will settle down and be serene, with a serenity that passes all understanding. And the tranquility of the cat will gradually come to affect you, sitting there at your desk, so that all the excitable qualities that impede your concentration compose themselves and give your mind back the self-command it has lost. You need not watch the cat all the time. Its presence alone is enough. The effect of a cat on your concentration is remarkable, very mysterious.”

This week in New York, a Housing Works Halloween party with Granta magazine; Chuck Palahniuk reads from Damned; get Dirty! Dirty! Dirty! at Word; Four Way Books reading at McNally Jackson; a reading with 2010 Cave Canem Poetry Prize-winner; First Saturday at the Brooklyn Museum; and a book launch party for You Are White Inside.

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Shortest or tallest person in the world, longest hair or longest nails, oldest person—these are world records I can understand. Perhaps even setting a record for baking the biggest cupcake.

But there are those world records that leave me scratching my head in confusion, such as the most balloons inflated by the nose, fastest time to put your entire body in a suitcase, and the most spoons balanced on the face.

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