I knew Susan Shapiro, my former writing professor at The New School, as a generous, kindhearted mentor. Her powerful new book, The Forgiveness Tour: How to Find the Perfect Apology—which was ten years in the making—chronicles her long-term connection to her own New York guru, addiction specialist Dr. Winters. Yet their relationship wasn’t as sanguine as she’d thought. When she found out he lied to her repeatedly concerning one of her students, she felt betrayed and told him he owed her an apology. “I’m sorry for the imaginary crime you think I’ve committed,” he replied, making her feel like committing a real crime. His stunning lack of remorse motivated her cross-country exploration of the universal, confounding question: How can you forgive someone who won’t apologize?

In her quest to find the answer, Shapiro exposes common misconceptions about the billion-dollar “forgiveness industry.” She interviews doctors, leaders from different religions, and thirteen people who have suffered extreme wrongs never righted—all in the desperate hope of delineating the differences between their theories of forgiving in order to achieve true reconciliation. The resulting memoir is a deeply moving and ultimately profound window into the enigmatic landscape of hurting and healing the human heart. (more…)

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