The Rumpus.net » Mickey Hess

I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #18

Mickey Hess — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 22:02:20 +0000

Tired of waiting weeks or even MONTHS for back-cover endorsements from recognizable authors? I, Mickey Hess, will blurb any book – that’s right, ANY book – within 24 hours! Just look at these satisfied customers:

Henry Alley’s Precincts of Light: “Precincts of Light is as unsettling as a firing squad. It is also a book about Oregon.” – Mickey Hess

Greg Santos’ The Emperor’s Sofa: “Often my sense of poetry is that it is awfully artless. For real, it’s like hanging out with the elderly. But Greg Santos’ poetry is gripping, and something even more.” – Mickey Hess

Jon Krakauer’s Where Men Win Glory: “A serious, fearless travelogue about a brother and sister who wander through life aimlessly. Eventually, they end up going to see T.S. Eliot’s grave.” – Mickey Hess

Amy Henry’s The Black Sheep Dances: “In a novel, authors engage head-on with American childhood. I found myself on the edge of narrative dexterity reading this massive, provocative book from a strange and ambitious author.” – Mickey Hess

Joey Goebel’s Commonwealth: “American literature has been torn down. Joyce Carol Oates’ birthday is looming. Atrocious writers are limping around the nursing home, waiting to be tossed into the coming darkness. Joey Goebel fearlessly goes out partying.” – Mickey Hess

There are plenty more where those came from, trust me! Authors, contact me today at mickeyhess@gmail.com and LET’S GET BLURBING!!!

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I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #17

Mickey Hess — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 12:00:33 +0000

Shane Jones’ A Cake Appeared: “The old masterpieces are dull. Shane Jones, a controversial fellow with a rock ‘n’ roll haircut, is quite the verbal star. As a general rule, this male author brings new life to the canon. His avant-garde literary undergarments instantly transform readers and rough up your expectations.” – Mickey Hess

Matty Byloos’ Don’t Smell the Floss: “Matty Byloos escapes the use of words and characters to make a novel come vibrantly alive. How? Through almost obscene means.” — Mickey Hess

R.Lynn’s The Descendants Saga: “R. Lynn is turning novel writing into a sweaty, perfunctory dream. Storytelling here is undiluted and surprisingly, refreshingly indelible. The book features character, detail, and setting, sure, but the bottom line is the onstage guitar riffs.” – Mickey Hess

There are plenty more where those came from, trust me! Authors, contact me today at mickeyhess@gmail.com and LET’S GET BLURBING!!!

I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #16

Mickey Hess — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:00:35 +0000

Plano Fox and Zenbar Harris’ Matriculating from Malaysia: “First off, I should mention that I don’t blurb friends. That said, Plano Fox and I have never seen eye-to-eye on things, and Harris strikes me as kind of a dick.” – Mickey Hess

Krissy Snifeld’s Bye, Bye, Virginity: “Krissy Snifeld is a clean-prosed girl with a grasp of the language. You never know whether this kind of story will work, or if the situation will knock you down and you’ll have to step away to regain your library composure. This is serious literature.” — Mickey Hess

Sam Jasper and Mark Folse’s A Howling in the Wires: “What is this book exactly? It’s enormous. Its girth and tangibility rebuke blogs. Sam Jasper and Mark Folse evidently prefer writing on paper.” – Mickey Hess

There are plenty more where those came from, trust me! Authors, contact me today at mickeyhess@gmail.com and LET’S GET BLURBING!!!

I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #15

Mickey Hess — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 13:00:08 +0000

Shya Scanlon’s Forecast: “As writers, we are constantly lugging around somebody else’s body. We deserve so little, yet ask for rewards such as accolades. There are stories that Shya Scanlon wants to tell, narratives about money, summer camp experiences, and a former America.” – Mickey Hess

Kim Gek Lin Short’s The Bugging Watch and Other Exhibits: “In this deeply understandable and boundlessly groundbreaking book, Kim – a dynamic, tumultuous genius – wrestles with a heartwrenching tennis-court addition. Coolly unhappy and remarkably sexual, this human poet is driven by optimistic people to swimming pools. Makes our old literary heroes seem snobbish and devoid of a personal life.” – Mickey Hess

Stan Mir’s Song & Glass: “As a biography, this book doesn’t work. This is a book of poetry. Parents, raise your children to know the difference.” – Mickey Hess

There are plenty more where those came from, trust me! Authors, contact me today at mickeyhess@gmail.com and LET’S GET BLURBING!!!

I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #14

Mickey Hess — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 16:00:59 +0000

John Jodzio’s If You Lived Here You’d Already be Home: “When I saw that John Jodzio’s book has a blurb from Chuck Klosterman, I was like What the hell? Man, I asked Chuck Klosterman for a blurb and he never responded.” – Mickey Hess

Chuck Klosterman’s Eating the Dinosaur: “Serious writers – and who among us is not – have chosen a life of irrelevance. Stop writing. There is no more to write. Chuck Klosterman has written a dizzying, relentless thing.” – Mickey Hess

Chelsea Martin’s The Really Funny Thing about Apathy: “Making up stories that will appear on paper, Chelsea Martin inventively overwhelms her neighborhood’s readers. Homeschooling your kids? Use this vivid, outlandish book.” – Mickey Hess

There are plenty more where those came from, trust me! Authors, contact me today at mickeyhess@gmail.com and LET’S GET BLURBING!!!

I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #13

Mickey Hess — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 16:00:44 +0000

Paul Muldoon’s Wayside Shrines: “During graduate school, I once stabbed myself with a Paul Muldoon poem (I had to have surgery). It’s like it had all the answers – it was fraught with human life. In Muldoon’s world, there would be no boring, 400-page books. Just flea market curiosities and the American Dream.” – Mickey Hess

Mike Faloon’s The Hanging Gardens of Split Rock: “A plentitude of stories about sorrow and mysterious optimism, Mike Faloon’s first collection is absolutely high-pitched and funny as television. Faloon makes his living from literature, while Tom Wolfe was forced into early retirement.” – Mickey Hess

Amelia Gray’s Museum of the Weird: “This book of short stories is fresh and excellent. Gray’s characters are middle-class, divorced Boo Radleys, born in Viet Nam and in love with a Philadelphia cab driver.” – Mickey Hess

I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #12

Mickey Hess — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 16:00:32 +0000

J Robert Lennon’s Video Game Hints, Tricks, And Cheats: “If you are looking for a book of video game cheats, J Robert Lennon didn’t want to write one. Instead, this book is like some kind of reflection of your outraged self, via literary prose. You may think of Lennon as a sort of complex younger brother to Holden Caulfield, a partying novelist with a multilayered 12-year-old sense of humor.” – Mickey Hess

David Shields’ Reality Hunger: “This book has blurbs from Amy Hempel, Ben Marcus, and Jonathan Lethem. Despite that unfortunate problem, I am a great fan of David Shields, whose new book Reality Hunger is staunchly fictional and ultimately fun. Most chapters are only vaguely irreverent, but Shields’ theories still outrage and disturb people suffering through sexy television or waiting in line for a Broadway musical. Does it hurt that Shields did not ask me to blurb Reality Hunger before it was printed? Why pretend otherwise.” – Mickey Hess

There are plenty more where those came from, trust me! Authors, contact me today at mickeyhess@gmail.com and LET’S GET BLURBING!!!

I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #11

Mickey Hess — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 12:00:54 +0000

Sean Carswell’s Barney’s Crew: “There aren’t enough people on the planet. We need someone. Wait. Sean Carswell is here. Sean Carswell is a juggling human being and a writer. He is one of the lucid few, a keen and tricky Superman here to raise the old wonderful things that are brave and literate. Carswell riffs on post-modern matters, politics, and a monstrous job. Who can write wonderful things? Sean Carswell, the juggling human.” – Mickey Hess

Hillary Frank’s Better Than Running at Night: “Human being and bestselling author Hillary Frank inspires endless thoughts well into old age. Better than Running at Night is a riveting, revolutionary book, a collection of lives transformed and thoughts rejuvenated. In Chicago, Frank has read entire sections aloud. The most important breakthrough in four centuries, this book’s fascinating vividness has cured stroke patients and raised IQs. Phantom scientists triumph! Frank explains emotional experimentation with such lucid grace that she rewired all human beings who read this book. Look at the book. Read it. Pass the book on to someone adaptable. Change the structure and function of our brains.” – Mickey Hess

James Franco’s purported novel: “James Franco, why do you always write about redemption?” – Mickey Hess

There are plenty more where those came from, trust me! Authors, contact me today at mickeyhess@gmail.com and LET’S GET BLURBING!!!

I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #10

Mickey Hess — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 12:00:29 +0000

Todd Dills’ All Hands On: THE2NDHAND AFTER 10: “It is painfully accurate to call Todd Dills ‘Tony Hollywood, New York Screenwriter.’ That said, Dills’ collection offers a comment on modern life. The narrators within this collection of stories may bring to mind a more youthful Holden Caulfield, or Toni Morrison being incredibly shaky, or Richard Ford faking it. You know. Because the book came from a collective of well-regarded idiots. They’re nice. They’re compassionate people. But idiots, oh my God.” – Mickey Hess

Aimee Nezhukumatathil’s At the Drive-In Volcano: “I don’t know about this new, non-rhyming poetry, but Aimee Nezhukumatathil’s book matches my mood: deeply haunted by the trajectory of something better. Pretty much everyone should read this book. Call your younger brother and question what he’s doing at parties.” – Mickey Hess

Anne Trubek’s A Skeptic’s Guide to Writers’ Houses: “Traditionally, Anne Trubek guides visitors through the homes of famous (or infamous) authors. At times, though, she does not safely guide them. Wear your goggles and hardhats, fuckers.” – Mickey Hess

I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #9

Mickey Hess — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 12:00:27 +0000

Andrew Shaffer’s Great Philosophers Who Failed at Love: “While I’ve heard of Louis Althusser previously, I believed him to be a former bassist for the Charlie Daniels Band. Andrew Shaffer corrected this, and many of my other misconceptions. Failing at love? Visit this Chile-set novel.” – Mickey Hess

Anne Trubek’s A Skeptic’s Guide to Writers’ Houses: “I haven’t been to Anne Trubek’s house, but we’ve all seen it on Google. The brushed nickel, the appealing, black lantern-style sconces and urns. She has Ernest Hemingway in one of those urns.” – Mickey Hess

Erin Keane’s Death-Defying Acts: “Erin Keane’s type of fiction is written in lines and stanzas instead of sentences and paragraphs. Critics might call this ‘poetry.’ But if literary criticism is about being lonely, about being alienated, then this book is a combination of minimalism and a much-admired sex party. Erin Keane’s Death-Defying Acts is as good as or better than a small New England liberal arts school.” – Mickey Hess

There are plenty more where those came from, trust me! Authors, contact me today at mickeyhess@gmail.com and LET’S GET BLURBING!!!

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I Will Blurb Any Book Within 24 Hours! #18

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