All posts by Steve Almond

September 1st, 2010

Let Us Now Raze Famous Men

A Rumpus Meditation on Editors, Ambition, and Angry Dependence (in 33 loosely jointed parts):

1. On July 30, the managing editor of the Virginia Quarterly Review, Kevin Morrissey, took his life. His note stated that he “just couldn’t bear it anymore.” …more

August 6th, 2010

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #19: Graduation Party

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

Graduation Party

It looks, from a distance, like a track and field tourney:
so much avid motion in shorts and T-shirts
the college field house rented for the occasion …more

July 23rd, 2010

Going Rogue

I know I should be grateful to the NYTBR for trashing my new book. I’m not.

…more

June 25th, 2010

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #18: The Math of Betrayal

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

The Math of Betrayal

The math of betrayal my friends will never line up …more

June 18th, 2010

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #17: Cry Timber

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

Cry Timber

I am long tired
of the tyranny
of trees …more

June 14th, 2010

The New Yorker’s One Over 40

A special Rumpus lamentation with possible added pep talk.

***

So last week the New Yorker published their once-a-decade Fiction Issue, in which they printed eight stories, along with their list of 20 Writers Under 40. …more

June 4th, 2010

Super Hot Prof-on-Student Word Sex #3: The Rumpus Interview with Tracey Wigfield

Let me introduce my former student Tracey Wigfield, who is now a writer for the television program 30 Rock. I am so happy for Tracey that I am now weeping inconsolably. …more

May 23rd, 2010

“We’re Always on the Wrong Side of Sunrise”

May 21st, 2010

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #16: To the Men At Work Outside My Window

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

To the Men At Work Outside My Window

See here, fellows: It is me, your skinny-stemmed little daisy faggot boy
Yoo-hoo! Yes, me – the fellow you keep glaring at.
I have a few things to say, if I might. …more

May 3rd, 2010

*Steve Almond’s Bad Hair Museum*
A Rock and Roll Will Save Your Life Contest

Have you ever had bad hair?

Let me rephrase that question: When was the last time you had bad hair?

Because it is one of the basic laws of Having Lived Through the 1970s, 80s, or 90s that you had bad hair at some point. Probably at many points. And that this bad hair was captured on film, and that the relevant pix still exist, out there somewhere, ready to undermine whatever modicum of cool you believe yourself to have achieved.

This is what I’m talking about: …more

April 30th, 2010

Rock and Roll Will Save Your Life #2

How Dave Grohl Taught Me to Stop Whining and (Against Every Known Impulse in My Body) Embrace Happiness …more

April 16th, 2010

Rock and Roll Will Save Your Life #1

“Chuck Prophet Writes the Songs That Make, Well, Not the Whole World, But a Small, Statistically Insignificant Portion of it Sing” …more

April 12th, 2010

Things to Do in Denver When You’re Braindead: An AWP Retrospective

1. Award George Saunders the Nobel Prize in Decency

Have you ever met a single reader or writer who does not worship George Saunders? You have not. You have not because George Saunders represents everything writers should be. …more

April 7th, 2010

Super Hot Prof-on-Student Word Sex #2: The Rumpus Interview with Patrick Thomas Casey

You’ve all seen this movie before.

You’re humping along in writerly misery, working the adjunct professor racket – because it’s always been your dream to work for an institution of higher education that demonstrates its respect for the pedagogic mission by paying an hourly wage nearly equal to McDonald’s – when you encounter a class that appears entirely devoid of talent. This is always especially disheartening when the class in question is an advanced fiction workshop. …more

March 26th, 2010

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #15: Sinatra Time

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

Sinatra Time

It’s got nothing to do with nothing, pal,
if you wanna know the truth. …more

March 2nd, 2010

Heart Radical: The Strange, True Flight of Airships

Barry Hannah passed away Monday, March 1, 2010. He was 67 and died of natural causes. The precarious state of his health — he’d battled cancer for some years — was a matter of ongoing concern amongst his wide circle of friends and admirers. Hannah was also one of those writers about whom other writers like to tell tales. …more

February 18th, 2010

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #14: Juice

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

Juice

Today the jury voted to “acquit”
though the way the word leapt forth
was the way a Southern gentleman cedes
a game in frustration …more

February 10th, 2010

Dear Asshole

Rumpus contributor Steve Almond recently self-published a collection of hate mail that was sent to him (along with his responses) entitled Letters From People Who Hate Me. You can read Almond’s argument for self-publishing here. The following is an excerpt from his book:

Dear Asshole,

You are a fucking idiot!! And your daughter in the picture on your website looks like a maggot! …more

February 10th, 2010

Presto Book-O (Why I Went Ahead and Self-Published)

To say that I’ve had a checkered history in publishing would be like saying Elizabeth Taylor had a checkered history in marriage. …more

February 5th, 2010

Super Hot Prof-on-Student Word Sex: The Rumpus Interview with Jason Mulgrew

Many years ago (perhaps as many as eight) Jason Mulgrew took my advanced fiction workshop at Boston College. In fact, Jason was one of only two students ever to take my class pass/fail. If you are now thinking that Jason must have been a lazy, drunken, irresponsible dickweed, you are right. …more

January 29th, 2010

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #13: In Hiroshima

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

In Hiroshima

In Hiroshima, after the bomb
the sick lay close as lovers,
the strong put tags on those
who stood no chance
later to be flayed by fire …more

January 20th, 2010

The Sports Talk Radio Election

Okay, so lots of confusion and grief and gnashing of teeth out there over why my adopted state, Massachusetts, just elected a Republican nudie model to fill the seat once held by Ted Kennedy.

I’m gonna try to explain, but I warn you upfront that my explanation isn’t going to make you feel any better, and likely somewhat worse, and maybe even nauseous. Sorry.

Here’s what it comes down to: …more

January 15th, 2010

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #12: Riptide

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

Riptide

Because we are men of a certain age
without visible boundaries or excuses
we ignore the yellow flap of caution flags
and the lifeguard propped against wet wind …more

January 5th, 2010

Katie Roiphe’s Big Cock Block

So some of you may have seen Katie Roiphe’s long and sometimes-sharp-and-other-times-kind-of-annoying piece in the New York Times Book Review about literary S-E-X. …more

January 2nd, 2010

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #11: Michael Jordan Chews Gum

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

Michael Jordan Chews Gum

Substantially harder than you or me
a clamping motion that knots the muscles
of his already severely toned presagital ridge
and speaks to some higher form of scorekeeping, …more

December 18th, 2009

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #10: Hobo Chant, LaFayette, Louisiana, 1937

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

Hobo Chant, LaFayette, Louisiana, 1937

dem coals inside your chest
dem coals is hot and white
you gotta change your mackacheese
if you wanna be ma wife …more

December 11th, 2009

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #9: How We See the Aged

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

How We See the Aged

A woman pulls at the pilled pleat
of her seersucker skirt with one hand, …more

November 27th, 2009

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #8: Owed to Water

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

Owed to Water

It is said the ocean forgets everything
forgets the lash of lightning and the stones
it grinds to sand and the planks it swallows
without joy or renunciation …more

November 13th, 2009

Steve Almond’s Bad Poetry Corner #7: Sartre, You’re Such an Asshole

(Writing wretched verse so you don’t have to since 1995)

Sartre, You’re Such an Asshole

You thought your derriere off, no beef there.
But your heart: was it missing a valve or something?
Why do all your plays end in suicide? …more

November 11th, 2009

Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt

The year I met Steve Almond was also the year I picked up (Not That You Asked) and the year I read his gorgeous homage to Kurt Vonnegut, “Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt.” …more

About

Steve Almond is the author of eight books, the most interesting two of which are available here.

Subscribe

Subscribe to this author's blog via RSS

Other Blogs

Book Club BlogThe Rumpus Poetry Book Club Interviews Shane Book   ...moreSeptember 9th, 2010

Mini-InterviewsThe Rumpus Mini-Interview Project #28: Alex Behr in Conversation with “The Fugitive”   ...moreSeptember 7th, 2010

Ted WilsonTed Wilson Reviews the World #52   ...moreSeptember 6th, 2010





Get a cool ass Rumpus t-shirt.

Subscribe to The Daily Rumpus

Email:

Donate to the rumpus