FUNNY WOMEN #101: Threat Assessment and Risk Analysis for N. Drew
The client, C. Drew, an attorney, requested an investigation into the extraordinarily high number of violent incidents involving his teenage daughter, N.
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Funny Women
FUNNY WOMEN #100: Writing the Next Great American Woman’s Novel
A lot of women people (as opposed to men people, or just “people”) are upset that Wikipedia editors have created a subcategory for “American Women Novelists.” But I’m not.
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FUNNY WOMEN #99: Modern Vice
We were tired of being good, so we decided to start sinning. We didn’t want to kill anybody or steal anything, so we stuck to modern vice.
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FUNNY WOMEN #98: Classic Novels Rejected by Modern Publishing Houses
How about adding a scene where Elizabeth Bennet accidentally places the winning bid on Mr. Darcy during a charity bachelor auction?
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FUNNY WOMEN #97: The Whitest Album
It was a time in my life when I was frequently “tagged,” along with other Netizens who seemed to keep in touch and do good works. I did no good works, but I tried to keep in touch.
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FUNNY WOMEN #96: Explanation of Benefits
This notice is to inform you that the procedure/treatment performed on January 2, 2013 is not covered under your health plan by reason code L0L.
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FUNNY WOMEN #95: Confessions of a Pet Chimpanzee Attackee
I’m not going to get into the whole who-illegally-sold-a-pet-chimpanzee-to-whom thing
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FUNNY WOMEN #94: An Actual Missed Connection
This is a missed connection, and as such I am very sorry that our connection was missed, or maybe I’m not, I don’t know, because I’ve never met you.
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FUNNY WOMEN #93: Revised Pinterest FAQs
Pinterest is a million-page woman’s magazine written by everyone you’ve ever met and edited by no one.
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FUNNY WOMEN #92: How to Almost Probably Not Die of Rabies
Probably you will not get rabies if your dog licks your face, and you remember afterwards that the previous morning he may or may not have bitten a shrew.
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FUNNY WOMEN #91: Shower Gifts for the Traditional Bride
What to do to when faced with the task of buying a shower gift for the bride of a “traditional marriage”?
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FUNNY WOMEN #90: New Ways to Summit Everest
In 1978, Reinhold Messner and Peter Habeler became the first people to summit Everest without supplemental oxygen. But no one has summited Everest with supplemental nitrous oxide.
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FUNNY WOMEN #88: Retrospective Open Letters to the Ones Who Got Away
To the men who got away: Hey, let’s talk about it now that I have a fresh perspective.
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FUNNY WOMEN #87: Delusions of Grandeur
I told him that I was a novelist and modeled in between books to support the online charity I’d founded to send unwanted makeup to women abroad.
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FUNNY WOMEN #86: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Mantis
Did Steve Harvey’s bestseller Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man resonate with you? Then you’ll LOVE its nature-inspired spinoff, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Mantis. Here’s a look inside the book on how to get what you want out of love, relationships, intimacy, and commitment.
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FUNNY WOMEN #85: Baby Logic
On the South side of Tucson near the Samsonite factory you’ll see a woman who’s usually naked except for a long T-shirt. Her thighs are sunburnt, her skin is a white girl’s cautionary tale. Stick around and she’ll scream, “Give me something I can handle!”
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FUNNY WOMEN #84: An Open Letter to Thomas the Tank Engine
Let me be blunt: you’re a train with human attributes. Who are your parents? From what monstrous act were you conceived?
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FUNNY WOMEN #83: Rejection Letter
Dear Writer (although we both know I’m being wildly generous with that title),
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FUNNY WOMEN #81: xo, The Intern’s Mom
From: <MommaGlo@aol.com>
Date: Sun, Feb 5, 2012 at 12:31 AM
Subject: Gary’s internship
To: Tuck Lanson, CEO <Tuck@LansonCorp.com>
FUNNY WOMEN #80: My Future Author Bios, from Least to Most Likely
This is Rupinder Gill’s 85th self-published book. She recently moved back in with her parents.
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FUNNY WOMEN #78: Ambivalent Affirmations
Hey ladyfriend, are you going through a breakup? Is your job really hard right now? Is your life nothing more than all-consuming darkness and regret?
...moreFUNNY WOMEN #77: Penal Codes
Following the trend of female lawmakers submitting bills to regulate men’s health, we decided to do the same. We are three straight, gay, single, married, white, Cuban, non-practicing Jewish women, which we think pretty much qualifies us to legislate what all men do with their bodies.
FUNNY WOMEN #76: A Person with Severe Social Anxiety Imagines What Will Happen If Seen Tripping on a Sidewalk
You! Rebecca Victoria O’Neal! I’ve just seen you trip on the sidewalk, confirming a long-held suspicion that you are a Bad Person with Whom I’d Never Hang Out.
Welcome to the Girls’ Club
“We’re secretaries fully versed in Derrida, receptionists who have read Proust in French. This is a land of girls. There are always at least ten of ‘us’ for every one of ‘him.’” –Meghan Daum, “Publishing and Other Near-Death Experiences”
Fuck yeah, Meghan Daum.
FUNNY WOMEN #75: Behind Every Great Man
To the left is a copy of Benjamin Franklin’s daily schedule, as found in a book. Below is what I imagine Mrs. Franklin’s daily schedule looked like.
FUNNY WOMEN #74: My Debilitating Anxiety Decodes My Unread Work Emails
When you send me an email, don’t think I don’t know what you’re really saying.
FUNNY WOMEN #73: How to Write Like a Funny Woman
Recently, I started taking improv classes at Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York (founded by the high priestess of funny, Amy Poehler). During each class exercise, I’d think, “This would help my writing.” I compiled a list of writing lessons I learned from Improv 101: