THE RUMPUS ADVICE COLUMN: “Under what circumstances is it appropriate for a woman to pick a fight with a guy?”

By

Dear Sugar,

Under what circumstances is it appropriate for a woman to pick a fight with a guy? I am an athletic female who is sick of “talking out my issues” like a good little girl. Fighting is often encouraged for men, but thought of as trashy for women. Why do men avoid “fighting a girl”? Are they just afraid?

Thanks,
Feeling Feisty

 

Dear Feisty,

I have to tread carefully here, owing to some outstanding legal issues with ex-husband #5, who continues to claim grievous injury of his groin and assorted parts, owing to (an allegedly) well-placed kneecap. So my official answer here is that physical violence is a short-term answer that generally results in long-term hardship and that romantic battery perpetrated by either gender marks a profound failure of the conscience.

My unofficial answer would be aim well.

 

Dear Sugar,

One of my best friends is 25 years old and lost her virginity to another virgin so she never had to worry about STD’s. Recently she started dating a 37 year old who has played the field, a lot. During their first month of sex, he wore protection because he didn’t know she was on the pill. Now that they are exclusive, he asked her to get on the pill so that he could stop wearing protection. What is the correct procedure on how to politely ask someone when was the last time they took an STD test (if they ever have) and would they be willing to take another one?

Thanks,
Safety first!

 

Dear Safety,

The correct procedure would be to ask this fella, politely, when he last took an STD test, and, if he’s been with anyone since this test if he’d be willing to take another? If the response is anything other than respectful compliance, your “friend” needs to tell Mister Potentially-Going-To-Give-Me-Herpes-Or-Worse-Because-He’s-Too-Fucking-Self-Centered-to-Give-a-Shit that he just won himself the right to play the field again.

Seriously, sister. She doesn’t even have to be polite. This is a basic moral obligation in the age of HIV, not a favor.

 

Dear Sugar,

I found a bowl’s worth of pot that’s been laundered at least twice since I jammed the loosely wrapped shake into the small fifth pocket of my hipster jeans, and wonder whether it’s worth smoking, or if it will just give me a headache and I’ll wish I’d walked two blocks over to get some more? It’s Saturday, though, and my dealer sometimes plays the Sabbath card.

Seth Rogaine

 

Seth,

Smoke it. Walking two blocks in hipster jeans, particularly to pay some Jew for his shake, violates every statute in the Stoner Code of Being.