As a journalist of minor note, my articles sometimes appear on websites that actually get traffic. Nowadays, those websites often allow comments. And those comments remind me why there ought to be no internet. There’s a reason why human expression has been restricted for most of human history — to filter out the haters. Then again, when you open the flood gates, you get errant genius like this Amazon product review or this missed connection post on Craig’s List. Like Blair said: You take the good, You take the bad, And something else, And there you have the Facts of Life. Or maybe Blair never said that. But it rings true, in life, and on the Ol’ InfoTubes.
But still those haters make you mad, right? Don’t despair; I have an answer: Tranches! That’s right. Just like in global finance. Worked well for them, right?
Here’s how it works: just collect all the deranged, misspelled, wild-eyed, flaming crazy interbabble, put it one place, and all toxic effect is neutralized. Especially when you realize that haters always come out of the woodwork, giving 1-star reviews to The Godfather, the Rolling Stones, and even The Diary of Anne Frank. This is the mission of Cynical-C, a blog wherein is collected a hilarious series of 1-star reviews and attending nonsense commentaries about the great masterworks of our time. The Odyssey? “900 pages too long.” Spinal Tap? “Don’t buy this trash! Just wait until Limp Bizkit (the greatest band ever!) makes a documentary on their wild and crazy and cool antics!” The Godfather? “As boring as a trip to the doctor’s. No good violence, no hot sex scenes, and furthermore, it stereotypes Italians. The only decent movie in this series is The Godfather III.” The Wizard of Oz? “If anyone holds a gun to your head and forces you to see it, pull the trigger.”
See? Tranching! Just throw all the crap together and it becomes harmless and funny. Case closed. I like the internet again.
