In 2005 I began interviewing people I grew up with and transcribing the interviews, creating a kind of memoir but in other people’s words. What’s most interesting turns out not so much to be the things we remember differently as the things we remember the same. This is the eighth interview; you can read the interviews with Roger, John, Dan, Aaron, Kevin, Pat, and Fat Mike.
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Eugene Miller – History Teacher, Retired
I guess I knew about you when you first applied to take my A.P. class in 1989/90, and they talked to me about whether or not you should be in the class room. They asked if I would take another kid with a rough background, that kind of thing. I said sure, whatever; he might be tough but I’ve had tough kids before.
You came to class with your piercings and tattoos and you had a mustache and beard. Not the type of child I’m used to having in an A.P. class. Especially at Mather. The A.P. kids at Mather are parentally self-motivated. They know that it’s important to their parents and that’s why they do it. You dressed in jeans and t-shirts then. Same way you dress now. One time you told me you were having an affair outside of school. I think she was a married woman and you were going to her house. I don’t know if it was true. But I thought, Why is he telling me this? Do I really want to know? But you didn’t cut my class to do it. I don’t think you ever missed a day. You had a lot of making up to do. I remember you also took the European A.P. test, even though we didn’t offer the class.
A.P. is much more difficult, more rigorous than other classes. At Mather you have 25 in an A.P. class, but maybe five should really be there. The rest are honors, or not even that. I knew there would never be more than five actually passing the test for college credit. But I always felt like it didn’t matter because if you take my class you’re going to raise yourself. You’ll be more prepared, you’ll have writing skills you didn’t have before, and you’ll be more ready for college. That’s the way I always ran it.
The average Mather kid was basically a good kid, but academically low. Our standardized test scores were always below average. I always thought that was unfair because for so many of our kids English was their second language. I tell my students, for some of you history is not going to do anything for you, but it’s a class you have to pass to get on to that next stop. Most of you, when you graduate, you are just going to get a job. Most people in the world just get a job. Most jobs just ask you to be there, do what you have to do, and that’s it. They’re not asking you to make something new. They’re not asking you to be Superman. They’re just asking you to do a job. That’s what I’m asking you to do. Just do this job. I promise no matter what level you are, if you work with me, if you do the work, you’ll see the difference. I know you will.
In college I didn’t know what I wanted to be. My parents wanted me to be an accountant. I took bookkeeping and stuff and I thought, this isn’t me. So I took stock and thought, what do I like? I like people. The subject I like best is history. So I’ll go into education and be a history teacher. And that’s what I did. I liked history more and liked it even more after I graduated. The more you find out the more you need to find out. I went to college in the city to be with my high school sweetheart. Junior year we got engaged. And we got married and all that. And got divorced and all that. That’s another story.
I remember saying to you once, You know, Steve, you’re going to be graduating soon. You could go either way. You could do something really good or you’re going to be on the front page of the news or something else. I also told you once I thought you were very good looking, that you probably had lots of girlfriends. You were just amazed by that. It seemed you had never thought of yourself that way.
It never bothered me that you lived in a group home. That’s just another way of living. And my cousin worked at that group home’s school. You were a good kid in a group home. So what? You weren’t a bully or a fighter. But you were tough in the sense of getting through all this shit. I knew you had a drug problem but you were dealing with it and doing exceptionally well. You channelled all of that into your schooling. You knew you had to get out and you were doing what you needed to do to get there. You had failed your first two years of high school but you wanted to graduate on time. I don’t know what made you change but you decided, I’m going to do this. I sort of admired you for it.
I would think that your old friends would have seen some of the same things I did. Even more so because they saw you at your lowest. And I would think maybe some of them were even a little mad at you. Were upset at you for doing this because they couldn’t do it. And also because it would pull you away from them. And that would be a normal kind of thing, for them to be resentful toward you.
You’re always working on it. Not just you, everybody. Like I always say. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I look at myself in the mirror, the inside feels so much different than than the outside looks.
I had my drug years too. It makes me happy to see you going along, taking responsibility for yourself. Not being a ward of the state anymore. Try not to downward slide again. Because things get harder to turn around the older you get.
