A talented and hilarious friend of mine, Katie Coyle, is now about two months post-partum on her MFA. It has freed up her time for submitting stories to various places. (You can read one of hers, “The Difference Between My Girlfriend and a Sea Captain,” here.) This means she’s been getting a lot of lovely rejection notes from people who have surely read her work attentively and just mean it when they say: “Hey, this is great, just not for us.” She noted a certain assonance to these letters, a musicality you might say, and so decided to commemorate them in verse.
To wit:
My Rejections: A Found Poem
by Katie Coyle
First of all, let me apologize
for the absurd response time. We want you to know
how honored we are. Thanks for sending, thank you for
giving us the chance to consider, thanks for the opportunity,
thanks for your patience, thank you for your interest—we appreciate
your commitment to quality literature. I really enjoyed the nipple part.
Humorous. Imaginative. Well-written. Not what we’re looking for.
It’s not that this is “bad.” Some of our readers got sidetracked by
the boyfriend’s name; you might consider changing it to something less obtrusive
than Elvis. Of, perhaps, more concern for me: we know very little about him except
he’s pretentious and insufferable. The narrator
is a one-emotion observer. I hope this feedback is helpful!
We liked the sentences, no hard feelings.
It does not suit our present needs, I’m sorry to say. Good luck
with this one, good luck with it elsewhere,
we hope you will feel encouraged, we wish you luck,
we encourage you to keep writing, we do wish you
the best of luck, best, sincerely, best, best wishes,
best of everything, keep working at it. Thanks much.
The ending seemed a bit too much like
adolescent fantasy.
We’ve decided to pass.
If any of you have found poetry from your own rejections, please feel free to post it in the comments.
10 responses
We are grateful for your The House of Aberrations
The voices, the absurdity, the many nods to Becket
As we expected,
many of these projects showed great
ingenuity, vision and talent.
We were very excited about your script,
about your use of language and
its absurdist premise,
just between you and me, the bride was one hate-to-love thing
we however, regret to inform you that we were not able
to include your worthy project to the final feast.
While this may be disappointing news,
please know that we were very excited about your writing
and we would like to stay in conversation with you.
Not like the Becket conversations, but
Still in conversation with you.
We trust that you will discover other steps toward refinement
Please keep us informed of all your
projects
that reflect an independent vision.
That many personal (non-form) rejections in just two months? With feedback, even? Damn, that’s impressive. At least you know they read it.
It is with heavy hearts and great strain to our limbic systems that we inform you “& only then is when you remember that ghost” will not be included in this issue of *****, but fret not! Your talent carries you quietly, like a gondola, through the streets—like stars and years, like numerals! An elephant takes up his trumpet! There is so much work yet to do and the world is so beautiful! More opportunities flutter up from center track amidst the pink flamingoes, and there you are among them!
Onward!
Full-on Katie, what Ray said. They’re reading and responding, it’s only a matter of time.
I have just received the master list
of recommended fellows
For the upcoming residency period
AND YOUR NAME IS
not on it.
Despite its evident merit
We’re sorry to say
for us, for us!
It wasn’t right for us.
This is not without its charms.
Funny. And so familiar. Here’s some of my bits and pieces:
exceptional, but
I’m truly sorry, we can’t use these poems.
We did admire this submission
There’s so much to like here.
Do try us again at some point
Please try us again.
Please try again.
These came close.
Would like to see more.
would be glad to see more.
Would love to see more.
We enjoyed reading your work but
it is not quite the right fit
Your story was a near miss.
you were such a near miss.
we like and admire this one
we’ll have to pass
We’re passing
We’re taking a pass
We invite you to submit your work again.
Please do send again.
Please send again in the fall.
We enjoyed reading these. Thanks and good luck.
We just don’t think there’s a market for this.
We just don’t think we could sell this in the current marketplace.
The market is saturated these days.
Market
Market
Market
Market
Tell that to the Twilight lady.
Dear Author, Dear Michelle, Dear ______,
While we very much
enjoyed
reading your work, it was not:
the best fit
the right fit
suiting our needs-
right now
Best luck with it
Keep working on it
Elsewhere
THANKS
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