Election Day Roundup


It’s finally here, election day, and even if we don’t know who the winner is by the time the west coast polls close (and please, merciful gods, do not make that happen), we do know one thing will end tonight: candidate ads. Well, for at least 24 hours. The pundits won’t wait that long to start talking about who’s running in 2016, but at least we’ll be able to watch Speed Racer on Hulu without having to sit through thirty second spots from whichever candidate was dumb enough to buy space on Speed Racer.

If you’re looking for something to do tonight as the poll numbers come in, here’s a drinking game for you. Stomach pump not included.

Voting lines are long in both Ohio and Florida. Hours long. If you think this is incompetence at work, you’re wrong. It’s deliberate.

Electronic voting machines which aren’t registering votes for one candidate or another aren’t necessarily signs of a conspiracy–it could just be a mis-calibrated screen. The reason I hate electronic voting machines (as opposed to those with paper ballots that are tabulated electronically) is that they don’t fail well. Every system fails–that’s to be expected–what you want is a system that gives you an alternative when it does fail. You can count paper ballots by hand if you have to. There’s no option for that on an electronic voting machine.

Last night, Rachel Maddow pointed out that women could sweep the top spots both in New Hampshire’s state government and in their Congressional delegation. Maddow refers to this as “ladytime.”

Jezebel lists a dozen races women could win tonight.

Even if Nate Silver’s projections aren’t correct tonight (and please don’t let that be the case), he’s spot on about this. I’d vote for Ebola over most political pundits as well.

When you’re in labor, your water has broken, and you still stop on the way to the hospital to vote, you’re patrioting your ass off. Factor in that this happened in Illinois, which is about as safe a state for President Obama as exists.

Brian Spears is Senior Poetry Editor of The Rumpus and the author of A Witness in Exile (Louisiana Literature Press, 2011). His poem “Upon Reading That Andromeda Will One Day Devour Triangulum and Come For Us Next” was featured in Season 9 of Motion Poems. More from this author →