If anybody is in need of a free piano, please see this ad. Although be wary. Keep an eye on your genitalia.
On JULY 4TH 2012, at approximately 4 pm my GRANDMOTHER DIED while playing “You’re a Grand Old Flag” on THIS PIANO. Now her soul lingers forever in its wooden fibers. I believe she cannot rest because she never actually finished playing the DAMN SONG…
My BEST friend, the esteemed post-modernist conductor and composer BRIAN SAMUEL ROTHSTEIN, claims that the piano needs to be tuned. He tried to tune it once and the thing almost bit off his PENIS.
