Andrea Laurion is a writer and performer from Pittsburgh, with essays and humor writing appearing in the Washington Post, The Hairpin, The Billfold, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Neutrons Protons, and The Toast, among others. She's on Twitter, like everyone else: @andrealaurion.
In the three years since my friend Abby gave me her couch, she moved four times, changed jobs twice, became engaged, got married, and gave birth. During that same time…