Posts by author
Kyle Kinane
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and it’s All My Fault #13
We can cross right here. No, it’s perfectly fine. This state has a little something called pedestrian right-of-way, Doug. You can just step out into traffic whenever you want and the cars have to let you go. Of course they’ll…
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #12
You don’t have to pay the mafia back if you can outsmart them, Doug. Check out this wig.
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #11
I think I might be an adrenaline junkie, Doug. Well, sure, there’s still the regular junkie part too. But the meth is only fun now when I’m doing crazy shit like racing cars or running from the cops.
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #10
I’m sure they’re dolphins, Doug. Well then you can slather some SPF 80 on your pussy and sit here on the beach with the rest of the moms. I rented this boogie board for the whole afternoon and I’ll be damned if some goddamn…
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #9
Scuba lessons are just swimming lessons but with a backpack, Doug. Since I already know how to swim and I definitely know how to wear a backpack, looks like I’m a scuba diver. “The bends?” Sounds like an old wives’…
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #8
You probably stood up too fast. All day? Maybe you’ve been standing up too fast all day then. No, we’re not getting one. Because, Doug, those detectors are just a scam invented by the battery companies. Because if I can’t see it…
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #7
Look at how fat that cop is, Doug. Seriously, if you just took his gun and started running, what could he do? He wouldn’t catch you. Well, not you specifically. I’m just saying someone could. Oh yeah, Mr. Naysayer? Why don’t you…
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #6
I don’t know if I’m supposed to snort it, smoke it, shoot it, or cram it up my asshole. All I know is it was pretty cheap, so I’ll probably have to do a lot of it right off the…
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #5
No, no, no—you wear rubber boots for plumbing work. Think about it, Doug. If the pipe breaks, you don’t want your feet to get wet. For electrical stuff it doesn’t matter. Now throw me the wire snipper thingy. We’re getting…
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #4
Feng shui? Fuck that, Doug. This katana sword is going right over the headboard. It’s sexy.
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #3
I think that’s a female grizzly, Doug. I heard somewhere that you’re supposed to expose your genitals so that she knows you’re a dominant male. I don’t know where I heard it, I just heard it, okay? I don’t care if…
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Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #2
I just don’t trust privatized health care, Doug. I’ll just keep putting Neosporin on it and we’ll see what happens. And I thought a Brown Recluse is what you called a Mexican shut-in! Christ, lighten up, Doug. If you’re getting up,…