The Shorty Q&A with Rex Sorgatz

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Internet celebrity, famed microblogger, and Fimoculous forefather Rex Sorgatz spends some time with The Rumpus. “I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU, PACHELBEL!”

The Rumpus: How long have you been doing Fimoculous?

Rex Sorgatz: That kid who created Tumblr wasn’t even masturbating to Japanese cosplay porn when Fimoc launched. It continues to exist today mostly because it’s been around longer than you’re Aunt Judy’s polished rocks collection. (Was that only my Aunt Judy? She also had a polished drift wood collection, a slot machine, and a gigantic bearded collie. Somehow, these were all huge influences on my life.)

TR: What was the original inspiration for Fimoculous?

RS: The quarter-page 1-800-xxx-xxxx ads that appeared in the back of porn magazines from the ’80s.

TR: What’s your dream job? What did you want to be when you grew up?

RS: Someone just asked me this the other day and I blurted out that I’d like to be Jeff Zucker. That answer also happens to double as a response to the “When did you first attempt suicide?” query.

TR: If you could kick one song off the face of the Earth — never to be played again, even in bar mitzvahs or dentists’ offices — what would it be?

RS: Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major. I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU, PACHELBEL!

TR: What did you work on today?

RS: I spent 140 minutes crafting the perfect Tweet.

TR: Social networking sites — including Twitter, Facebook, and Myspace: the equivalent of a cultural end of days or beginning of a new era of enlightenment?

RS: Have you been watching A Shot At Love 2 With Tila Tequila? It’s amazing — two hot twins, split from the same zygote, who both end up miraculously bisexual and blonde. It actually makes you wonder why all twins aren’t bisexual, and if sleeping with your bisexual twin is as close as you can get to fucking yourself.

Oh yeah, answer B. Enlightenment.

TR: Were you always drawn to more tech related things (such as Internet/computing/programming) or are you secretly an arts guy who is a sculpting hobbyist/concert violinist/mime as well?

RS: I’m appalled. You never asked Da Vinci this question! The media is so biased.

TR: Your vote for book of the year?

RS: I tried to go to bat for Hot Chicks With Douchebags this year, but couldn’t stomach the ridicule.

See Also: The Shorty Q&A With Princess Superstar

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Ainsley Drew is a native New Yorker, freelance writer, and euphemism enthusiast. Her work has been featured in The New York Press, McSweeney’s, The Morning News, and Curve Magazine, among other totally sweet publications. An avid fan of all sports, but especially the NBA, when she's not stalking 6'10" centers she eats way too much Japanese food, plays word games, and hits on anything that moves. Aiming high, she hopes to one day be a notorious literary celebrity with her name in tabloids. She also has eleven fingers, so she can type faster than you. You can find her jerkethic.com and ainsleydrew. Be her Internet friend. More from this author →