Ted Wilson Reviews the World #104


★★★★★ (3 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Kermit the Frog.

Kermit the Frog is best known for his role as the frog puppet on Sesame Street. He used to be voiced by Jim Henson, but since Jim Henson passed away Kermit is now voiced by a Jim Henson impersonator. It’s disconcerting, kind of like when my Uncle Peter who had no teeth would wear his dentures. It was like looking at an Uncle Peter impostor. Something was a little off.

His voice may have changed but his personality hasn’t. He has a good heart but I’m not sure I have a lot of respect for him. For one thing, his best friend is the comedian Fozzie Bear. I don’t think Fozzie is funny at all and I find his humor sort of offensive. It makes me question Kermit’s character – if he thinks Fozzie is funny, what else might be wrong with him?

Probably Kermit’s biggest flaw is his relationship with Ms. Piggy. She is obnoxious and violent and sexually assaults Kermit on a regular basis, forcing kisses upon him. While Ms. Piggy is to blame, Kermit could definitely try standing up for himself. A healthy person would draw clear boundaries but Kermit keeps letting Ms. Piggy walk all over him. His self-esteem must be pretty poor. I suspect it’s the result of being raised in a swamp with so many brothers and sisters that his parents couldn’t give him enough attention. Or maybe it’s just that he hates himself for being green.

Whatever the cause, Kermit is a milquetoast, and that’s a big turn-off for me. It makes me uncomfortable to have to watch someone who’s so weak. It’s kind of gross to look at. But, for all his faults, he’s still a good person. Or frog, I guess.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing a penny.

Ted Wilson is a musician, good friend, and widower. His website iamtedwilson.com features all of his reviews (even the banned ones), exciting videos, a live interview with Ted on the radio, and interviews with some of the world's top celebrities! More from this author →