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Ted Wilson’s Letter in the Internet

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Our Letters in the Mail subscription service offers letters penned by authors to thousands of people around the globe. We asked our columnist Ted Wilson to write a letter, and upon reading it, we decided it was too important to limit only to those on our mailing list.

Here is Ted’s letter in its entirety. Please read and share and distribute this as widely as possible, but only if you believe in love.

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Dear Sir or Madam,

Thank you in advance for reading this letter. I apologize that the nature of it may be less happy than you had hoped for. I am in search of my deceased wife Rosie. My hope is that the doctors, mortician, gravestone carvers, and relatives were all wrong, and that somehow, some way, Rosie survived. If she did, the only possible reason she would have not contacted me is because she suffered an injury that resulted in memory loss. She may have been forced to start a new life as a Betty or Matilda or Shaniqua (depending on the severity of her injury).

While I admit the likelihood is slim, I couldn’t bear my days knowing I didn’t do everything in my power to try and find her. So please, keep your eye out for my Rosie. (Below is a drawing of what I imagine she would look like now, many years after her “death.”) If you see her, pass this letter on to her so that she may find her way back to me.

If you think you may have seen her, or someone who resembles her, or have any tips or suggestions of any kind, please call me at (617) 379-2576.

Your Friend,
Ted Wilson

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My Dearest Rosie (yes, that’s your name),

If you’re reading this letter, it’s because you are still alive. Congratulations! Your True Love (me) has found you! If you’re currently married, that guy is not your true love. I am.

Before you do anything, please give a hug to the person who handed you this letter. Even if he or she looks like the kind of person who doesn’t deserve a hug.

The next thing you must do is pack your things and divorce that man you married. You might love him, but you love me more. And besides, polygamy is illegal. You are now a criminal, so it would be best for you to wear a disguise and maintain a low profile. I suggest a combination disguise of “trash collector” and “African-American” to keep people from talking to you.

I’m not sure which state you’re in. Maybe Oregon, because of your love for oregano. Anyway, I can’t wait to hear about all your adventures and what you’ve been up to. When you get home you’ll have to tell me everything except the parts about your temporary husband.

I’ve set up a special phone for you to call. I set it up years ago. I never use this phone, except once in awhile when I pick it up to see if maybe you’re on the other end and the ringer is broken. And then once I used it to order a pizza but only because I was so hungry and my other phone was broken.

Call me immediately at (617) 379-2576 and we’ll figure out the fastest way to get you home. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again.

Love, Ted