TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #263

By

SANTACON
★★★★★

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing SantaCon.

Each year around this time there is an exciting event called SantaCon. It’s a celebration of the warm, giving humility of Santa Claus—a man who devotes his life to bringing joy to children around the world. When I think Christmas, I think SantaCon.

I attended my first SantaCon this year to witness revelers dressing up like Santa and gathering together to share the Christmas spirit. I’ve never seen so many Santas in one place. They looked so similar I couldn’t tell them apart. It was like one carbon copy after the other, completely devoid of personality or individuality.

There were even some female Santas. Or they may have been Mrs. Claus. I asked one girl what she was but she had a speech impediment and I couldn’t understand a thing she said. Then I guess she must have been suffering from morning sickness in the afternoon because she upchucked onto one of the Santa’s beards. That was the first time I’ve ever seen Santa angry.

There was another girl who embarrassingly must have ordered the wrong size costume because it was much too small for her. It almost didn’t cover anything. I admired that despite her unfortunate costume mishap, she still had the bravery to get out there and show her giving spirit. She chose to give in the form of kisses to almost anyone who asked. It didn’t seem very sanitary but everyone seemed to enjoy it and that’s what Christmas is about.

No one judged me for not wearing a Santa Claus costume but several people still asked me if I was Santa. One young man said I must be Santa because I look like I’m 100 years old. When I explained I’m only in my eighties he said no, I was definitely Santa. Then he began introducing me to all his friends as Santa.

It was nice to feel so included even though I had been mistaken for someone else. That happened to me at a restaurant once. They thought I was someone named Kenny and gave me extra breadsticks. I left an extra big tip to cover the cost of the breadsticks. It felt wrong to accept something under false pretenses. I wish I was Kenny. What a life that guy must have.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Meryl Streep.


Ted Wilson is a musician, good friend, and widower. His website iamtedwilson.com features all of his reviews (even the banned ones), exciting videos, a live interview with Ted on the radio, and interviews with some of the world's top celebrities! More from this author →