Psycho Dwarf


British parents are eschewing traditional fairy tales because of their “un-PC” and “frightening” tone. With Hannah Montana and the cast of High School Musical XXVIII being the icons of the ‘tween set, worrying about giving a four year old the creeps by reading to them about Hansel and Gretel becoming hors d’oeuvres seems a little counterintuitive.

Every parent wants their offspring to be special. There’s a seemingly worldwide view that every set of breeders gave birth to a unique little snowflake with the potential for greatness. Any potentially offensive messages, pesticide covered fruits, vaccinations, or audible swear words might squelch a kid’s capability to eventually come up with a cure for cancer, or become president. What child doesn’t like imaginative myths with fantastic creatures and weird occurrences? A boring child. And those are the real threat to society.

– Ainsley Drew

Ainsley Drew is a native New Yorker, freelance writer, and euphemism enthusiast. Her work has been featured in The New York Press, McSweeney’s, The Morning News, and Curve Magazine, among other totally sweet publications. An avid fan of all sports, but especially the NBA, when she's not stalking 6'10" centers she eats way too much Japanese food, plays word games, and hits on anything that moves. Aiming high, she hopes to one day be a notorious literary celebrity with her name in tabloids. She also has eleven fingers, so she can type faster than you. You can find her and ainsleydrew. Be her Internet friend. More from this author →