Waste Time Better: Random Alternative Self-Help Links by Ainsley Drew

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Read The Secret online? Subscribe to daily affirmations and meditate for fifteen minutes a day? Or pay $90 for The Sedona Method? You’re nuts to think that stuff like that could possibly help you. Here are a few links that may or may not keep you an adequate number of cards to be considered a full deck. Unless you have a gambling problem.

To quell anxiety there’s a website that promises an introduction to Zen. It will likely bore you, which is almost like being calm.

We’ve all heard of Cute Things Falling Asleep and Cute Overload, but my personal favorite spirit-lifting website is Fuck You, Penguin. Anyone who is dealing with depression or rage issues will probably smile peacefully for at least a few clicks.

If marital strife is dragging you down, get a pick-me-up at Boner Party. Visit the site with your significant other and you’ll probably figure out how to resolve your arguments (re)productively. Or at least get something nice to look at while the bitch keeps yelling.

If your diagnosis is ADD or ADHD you probably didn’t even read through this entire sentence. Zombo.com will teach you how to focus. Seriously.

And when you’ve finally figured out what you need to get you through the time between sessions with your therapist, create your own motivational poster to hang above your pillbox.

– Ainsley Drew


Ainsley Drew is a native New Yorker, freelance writer, and euphemism enthusiast. Her work has been featured in The New York Press, McSweeney’s, The Morning News, and Curve Magazine, among other totally sweet publications. An avid fan of all sports, but especially the NBA, when she's not stalking 6'10" centers she eats way too much Japanese food, plays word games, and hits on anything that moves. Aiming high, she hopes to one day be a notorious literary celebrity with her name in tabloids. She also has eleven fingers, so she can type faster than you. You can find her jerkethic.com and ainsleydrew. Be her Internet friend. More from this author →