PLEASE FORGIVE HIM
One day the officer went to Mohammed Bayoummi’s ofice and said I should go to the district attorney’s office and say I was lying about everything. Bayoumi took him close and said, “Between you and me, man to man, did you do this?”
The office said, “Yeah, I did it.
Bayoumi said, “You’re telling me you did this, and you want me to go tell my client to lie? If she denied everything now, I wouldn’t allow her! I would let her go and pursue the case myself!”
We found out that the officer’s father is a lawyer in the Court of Appeals, and his uncle was once head of national security. He seems to be guy from a very big family. But I don’t care. I just want to get my rights, and I just want to see it go through. I don’t care if I get killed.
Somehow the officer got my phone number. The first call came from the officer’s mother. She called and said whatever I want, if I want all the money of the Queen of Sheba, she would give it to me if I end this now. She admited yes, her son had made a mistake, but it was just a simple one and that now he could lose his career, so please, please forgive him. I said your son should ay for this. If it was my brother and your daughter, I’m sure you would find justice for your child. She cried over the phone to forgive him for the mistake. She said Allah would never forgive me if I did not forgive him. I said that if it was only her son that did this to me I would have forgiven him, but he also ordered other men to do this to me. he thinks he is the master of the world. He thinks everything belongs to him. But it is not so. The mother cried and I hung up.
The officer called. His other relatives called. I met the officer and his family two months ago. The officer’s father comes to my lawyer’s office all the time to boether him.
His mom came and met me in Bayoumi’s office, beggin for me to deny the charges. She told me her son’s wife wants to divorce him now, and he can’t see his baby – please fogive him.
I said, “Madam, I’m a grown woman with children. If you think about what your son did to me, and if I had fought back, and they had killed me, what would have happened to my children?
She said it was a mistake but promised Allah would take care of everything. She said I should forgive because Allah will take care of me.
I HAVE TO BALANCE
My children are beautiful. They go to a good school, and I only pay three hundred pounds (US$55) for the year. They have become afraid of the police. Every time my youngest son Ashweel sees the police, he runs to me. Every time I go out, he says, “Mom, don’t go away; the police will take you.” My boys are now thirteen, eight, and six. They are not so tall yet, but my whole family is tall and soon they will be tall. They don’t mind about Sudan so much. They want to meet my mother in Australia. Sometimes they speak to my sister’s children in Texas, and they want to visit there. For my boys, it is more about family than land.
These days I work as a hairdresser. For a short time I worked as a hairdresser in a Kenyan woman’s shop, but now I work at my home and go to people’s houses when they ask for appointments. ometimes they pay me a hundred pounds, sometimes a hundred and fifty ounds (US$15-US$25). I enjoy the work. I have loved hair since I was a child in Sudan. I am good at the job.
I am grateful to God that I am here and I am alive. When my mind needs peace, I go to my friends and we chat and we have a coffee. We use a special mix of giner and cardamom. We boil it several times. We sit and drink and chat. Sometimes I listen to music with my children. I listen to Bob Marley, and I share it with my children. “No Woman No Cry.” My children like 50 Cent and R. Kelly, and I sort of like them, too. I am a single mother, so sometimes I am a mom, sometimes a dad, sometimes I am a sister, sometimes I am just a friend. I have to balance.
I have no idea what will happen in the future. I don’t even have an idea of what is happening now. I do not know if Canada will take me for resettlement. Even if they do, maybe I should not leave Egypt yet. I do not want to end my case against the offciers. Maybe I will get justice. People should be strong in such situation and never weaken or give up. They should stay strong.
***
This piece was originally published in Out of Exile: Narratives From the Abducted and Displaced People of Sudan
Read the Rumpus interview with Out of Exile editor Craig Walzer.
Those readers in the San Francisco Bay Area can see Craig Walzer speak at The Art of Listening: Oral Histories from Voice of Witness and StoryCorps this Thursday, September 17th at 7:00 pm at the Jewish Cultural Museum.
Purchase Out of Exile.
