FAKING AN ILLNESS FOR SYMPATHY
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing faking an illness for sympathy.
As much fun as it sounds, I’ve had to steer clear of such a ruse because of my very malleable mind. If I believe something to be, it will likely manifest itself within me. As a child my mother suggested my dad might have been a werewolf. (Her exact words were, “Your father’s back was hairier than I would have liked.”) That was all it took for me to attack a chicken in our coop. Or take the unfortunate period when I believed my deceased wife’s spirit had inhabited the toaster because I saw a photograph of her reflected in its chromey exterior. I spent a good couple of months taking Toaster Wife to the movies and restaurants. Then she got hit by a bus and that put an end to that. Faking an illness is just too slippery of a slope for me.
For those of you more daring, consider the benefits. The most obvious is that people will take care of you and make you feel loved. It’s also a good solution to getting things done if you’re lazy. People love to help the incapable. And if getting attention is your thing, this will do that too.
But there are drawbacks. You may find that no one will notice or care. It can be a sobering indicator of what your friends and family truly think of you. Or that they don’t really think of you at all.
It’s best to fake something that requires no visual aids and is therefore hard to disprove. Think tapeworm (act hungry), cancer (act tired) or amnesia (act forgetful). On the other end of the spectrum diseases to stay away from are those which require a great deal of physical stamina or make-up, such as St. Vitus’s Dance, Progeria or Down Syndrome.
Faking an illness can turn a dull or trying life around. But get caught and times could turn even worse. It’s a risky endeavor, but a potentially rewarding one.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing The Matrix.
