THE DIAPHRAGM OF ANNE FRANK
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing The Diaphragm of Anne Frank.
Since my local Blockbuster Video closed, I went to Game Crazy Discount Videoland Video Rental for my birthday to rent a copy of The Diary of Anne Frank. It’s my favorite book, and when I found out they’d made it into a movie, I was too excited to wait for someone to buy it for me.
I curled up on my couch with a blanket, a bowl of popcorn and a frozen cake I picked up at Walgreens. The story began as the one I’m familiar with, but soon took a sexually surprising turn. I watched for a while, thinking perhaps I had forgotten these scenes, or that the pages had been torn from my book by my wife. (She liked to tear the women’s swimsuit section out of the Sears catalog because, as she put it, “there’s nothing there for either of us.”) The shoot-out scene I simply attributed to Hollywood being Hollywood. But the love scene with Hitler made me pop the cassette out to inspect it more closely. I had mistakenly been given a copy of The Diaphragm of Anne Frank – an adult film.
The plot is basically the same, except with a considerably larger focus on sexual intercourse and related activities. I found myself wishing Anne Frank’s life had been more like this, because although her circumstances were wretched, in this version she was at least having some fun. In fact, every one seemed to be enjoying themselves and one another.
Some of the details were incorrect (there were no digital clocks back then), the dialogue was sometimes cumbersome, and it would have been nice to see some familiar faces (and more faces in general), but overall it was a compelling film. The ending was much better than the original.
I asked my neighbor Moyshel for his feedback, because he’s Jewish and enjoys cinema. He asked to borrow the film for a few minutes to study more closely, but that was three days ago.
This film will appeal to anyone preferring a more upbeat version of the Holocaust, or individuals who want to masturbate.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing tunnels.
