“The White House and [Agriculture Secretary Tom] Vilsack offered their profuse apologies to Shirley Sherrod for the way she had been humiliated and forced to resign after a conservative blogger [Andrew Breitbart] put out a misleading video clip that seemed to show her admitting antipathy toward a white farmer.”
—New York Times, July 21
In this era of chronic over-commitment and time scarcity, The Society for Convenient Distortions is proud to announce its First Annual Andrew Breitbart Short Film Festival.
Conservative commentator and occasional film editor Andrew Breitbart, who has offered fresh takes on the NAACP, ACORN and other left-leaning organizations in the last year, has provided his abridged versions of the following Hollywood classics. All films, Breitbart assures us, have been distilled down to their essence. Please join for all, or even a portion, of these cinematic masterpieces.
In the Heat of the Night (1967, 12 min.): Bill Gillespie (Rod Steiger) is a white police chief in Mississippi, investigating the murder of a prominent Chicago businessman in his town. Gillespie rounds up Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Poitier), a suspicious African-American not “from around these parts” who is found at the town’s train station with large amounts of cash. Gillespie’s excellent bit of detective work saves the town much anguish as he has obviously apprehended the culprit. A striking illustration of how justice in the American South in the 1960s played neatly along black and white lines.
Tootsie (1982, 18 min.): Out-of-work actor Michael Dorsey (Dustin Hoffman) comes up with a way to catch his big break: pretending to be an actress. Adopting the persona of “Dorothy Michaels,” Dorsey tries out for—and lands—a female role in the soap opera “Southwest General.” Dorsey becomes famous beyond his wildest dreams, gracing magazine covers and fraternizing with celebrities. A story that will appeal to anyone who believes a secretive change in identity can lead to success and no negative personal consequences.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969, 25 min.): Butch (Paul Newman) and Sundance (Robert Redford) have robbed banks all across the Wild West. They are always one step ahead of the lawman, until one of their robberies goes wrong. Butch and Sundance evade pursuers through a series of close calls, ultimately escaping to the sunshine of Bolivia. A story that shows outlaws, if they are clever enough, will never be outnumbered, never be outgunned.
The Wizard of Oz (1939, 11 min.): Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland), an apple-cheeked Kansas teenager, fails to reach her family’s cellar when a tornado strikes. She is swept into the cyclone, where mailboxes and white picket fences float before her eyes until she is knocked unconscious. A horrifying tale that will instruct any child the importance of reaching shelter before a twister descends.
Casablanca (1942, 16 min.): Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) and Ilsa Lund (Ingrid Bergman) are star-crossed lovers in World War II. Ilsa was married to a Czech resistance leader, but her husband has disappeared, almost certainly a casualty of war. Ilsa learns to love again, finding the blithe Rick to be her kindred spirit as they encounter each other on the streets of Paris. As the Nazi war machine rolls into France, and Rick and Ilsa go their separate ways, joining the millions of refugees searching for safety. But they are destined to someday meet again—in Casablanca.
Citizen Kane (1941, 24 min.): Charles Foster Kane (Orson Wells) pulls himself up from his bootstraps in this inspiring, rags-to-riches story. Born into poverty in the American West, Kane becomes one of the world’s most powerful men through his shrewd acquisition of a newspaper empire. When we meet him, Kane lives in opulent mansions, romances starlets, and dabbles in politics. Kane shows, once and for all, that you can put the past behind you.
Psycho (1960, 21 min.) Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) steals $40,000 from her boss in order to marry her boyfriend. She takes to the highway, in order to escape from the authorities. After a few close calls, she decides to check into the Bates Motel, run by Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins). They share stories over dinner, and both acknowledge life sometimes creates challenges. Even in our lowest moments, Marion comes to realize, we can find understanding and compassion in an unguarded moment.
It’s a Wonderful Life (1946, 14 min.): George Bailey (James Stewart) has fallen on hard times in the American small town of Bedford Falls. Bailey tries to save his family’s small bank—and the town—from the tyrannical tycoon, Mr. Potter (Lionel Barrymore), who wants to take over the bank and cut off all credit. Bailey cannot stop Potter’s hostile takeover, however. Bankrupt, broken, Bailey decides to commit suicide by jumping into the town river so his family can collect on a life insurance policy. A haunting commentary on the dark side of the American dream.
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? (1967, 12 min.): In the social upheavals of the 1960s, Joanna Drayton (Katharine Houghton) has fallen in love with the perfect man, John Prentice (Sidney Poitier). Joanna wants to introduce John—a sensitive, elegant doctor— to her liberal San Francisco parents (Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn). But when John shows up to the Draytons’ home, they are surprised to learn that he is black. There’s awkwardness for all parties involved, as Prentice and the Draytons learn that some lines should never be crossed.
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Rumpus original art by Jason Novak.
