Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #48

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I’m eating candy for dinner, Doug, so I can go to the dentist. The more X-rays I get, the more radiation I’m exposed to. If science has taught us anything, it’s that exposure to radiation unleashes your superpowers. Yeah, I just slip that apron thing off when he’s not looking. Actually, I feel we all have superpowers, Doug. Even you. You have the power to be a fucking drag all the time. Hey, Captain Apathy, arch enemy of good times, mind passing me those Mike ‘n Ikes?

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Kyle Kinane has been performing in bars in cities in nations for ten years. He was called "bleak and misanthropic" by the London Evening Standard, which may or may not be a compliment. He is a comedian. More from this author →