GLUE TRAPS
★★★★★ (3 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing glue traps.
Glue traps were invented in the 20th century by a sociopath as a way to ruin the lives of mice. The traps are small, cardboard boxes which attract a mouse, inviting it to walk inside. Once there, the mouse finds itself glued in place, unable to do anything other than scream for help. No help arrives.
After this, the mouse is no good for anything, unless you want a pet with missing fur/skin/limbs/zest for life. The mouse must then be disposed of, which means placing its screaming, contorted body into the garbage, where it will continue to scream, unless you crushed it beforehand. All in all, it’s a pretty fool-proof method for temporarily ridding your home of some mice.
What the inventor didn’t realize, however, is that it’s really easy to get other things, such as fingers, hair, mail, wristwatches, or cell phones stuck to these glue traps. Another popular item which sticks to these traps is cat feet. The screaming mouse can attract a cat, leaving the cat with a screaming cardboard box shoe. It’s terribly cute, but cats don’t seem to like it.
However, even flawed inventions can be the inspiration for other, better inventions. If it weren’t for the wheel, we would never have had tanks or the Segway (or possibly a yet-to-be-invented Tankway).
I consider myself a bit of an inventor, and glue traps inspired in me a new idea: human-sized glue traps designed to catch bandits and miscreants. I call them Body Snares. Picture an enormous box with an open door. Inside sits a pile of riches. In walks a thief, only to discover he or she has been trapped by their greed and a really sticky floor. The box, on wheels, is then towed directly to the nearest police station. Case closed.
Thanks, glue traps!
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing tuberculosis.
