GAYLE KING
★★★★★ (2 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Gayle King.
In a recent interview, Oprah Winfrey of The Women of Brewster Place said of her friend Gayle King, “She is the mother I never had. She is the sister everybody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves. I don’t know a better person.” That’s high praise, so I thought I should look into it.
First of all, Oprah definitely had a mother. I can tell that by looking at Oprah and seeing that she exists. So that much we know is a lie. Gayle King is not the mother Oprah never had, she is the woman who has convinced Oprah she never had a mother.
Another lie about Gayle King is that she is the sister everybody would want. Off the top of my head, I can think of several people who wouldn’t want Gayle as their sister. Myself, for instance. If Gayle was my sister, that would mean that one of us was adopted or our family was broken.
Broken families make me sad, even when I see happy ones on TV, like Diff’rent Strokes, Webster, or Punky Brewster. And I could never compare to an adopted sibling. My parents did select me based on appearance and personality, they just got whatever came out like a prize from a gumball machine. Another reason why I wouldn’t want Gayle as my sister is that I find her very attractive and that would be confusing and possibly illegal.
Lastly, Oprah says everybody deserves a friend like Gayle. This statement could be interpreted any number of ways. If meant to imply that Gayle is a good friend, Oprah is suggesting that even someone as awful as James Frey deserves Gayle. I doubt she means that. Perhaps then, this is Oprah’s way of implying that Gayle is in fact a horrible person, in which case Oprah must be a misanthrope. A definite possibility given that she is denying the world her brilliant television show after 25 years. (I mean, have you seen that show? It’s amazing. She has the most fantastic guests and then hides prizes under audience members’ seats. Wow!)
Everything Oprah tells us about Gayle is either purposely evasive of an outright lie. I used to watch Gayle on the Channel 3 news. She never seemed as dark and mysterious as Oprah makes her seem.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Texas.
