BROOKSTONE
★★★★★ (5 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Brookstone.
Each year I do all my Christmas shopping at Brookstone. There’s nothing I can’t find there, and when I find it, whatever it is, it comes with a built-in flashlight. Their prices are a little high, but it’s worth it when you see the look on the face of a loved one when he or she opens their present to see a heated pair of headphones with GPS tracking, or a ruler that doubles as a different kind of ruler that can fold into a cube. Brookstone is decadence at it’s finest.
This year I decided to get a part-time job at Brookstone for the employee discount. Unfortunately the closest Brookstone to me is in the airport, and because of my brief enrollment at School of the Americas, I didn’t pass the security check. Brookstone doesn’t offer bulk discounts, but my theory was that purchasing overwhelming quantities may cause the cashier to accidentally overlook an item or two. Right now I have 50 remote control helicopter/laser pointers in my garage. Once I track down the receipt I will double check to see if I was charged for all of them. I hope not, because I had to rent a truck to get them all home.
Prices aside, Brookstone also has some of the best salespeople. Upon entering the store an employee greeted me with the line, “Have you seen this? Brand new technology!” He was playing with a neck pillow that is also a telephone/heart monitor/coin purse/colostomy bag. He demonstrated all the uses for me. In fact, I would say their salespeople are too good, because I bought six of these things. I know at least that many people who need everything it can do.
God, I was there for hours. It’s like Disneyland for adults, but in the future, and where the rides are more emotional than physical. Some of the things Brookstone sells I didn’t even know existed yet. I asked one of the salespeople if she and her colleagues were actually from the future. She said they weren’t, but when I asked her where the camera that can email pictures to a fax machine came from she said, “Malaysia, probably.” I’m not certain, but I suspect “Malaysia” may what they call America in the future.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Twitter.
