THE INTERNET
★★★★★ (3 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the Internet.
For Christmas, my nephew bought me a new computer that gets all the websites. My old one only seemed to get Google for some reason, but this new one gets it all!
My first stop was my own website. It cost $3,500 to make, but it was all paid for by investors. This was many years ago, before the internet burst. I didn’t even know what a website was then, but a friend I met on the bus had convinced me to start a website. He said I could make millions. I only made several hundred thousand. The picture of me on my website is so old it barely even looks like me!
Then I couldn’t think of what website to visit next, so I began to type names in at random. You wouldn’t believe how many websites are in the internet! It seemed like no matter what I typed in a website would appear! I sent an email to the man or woman who runs the internet and asked for a list of all the websites. That way it would be easy to look and see what wasn’t on there. I haven’t heard back yet but will let you know when I do.
One thing in particular that struck me about the internet is how much of it is about naked ladies doing things nakedly. Second to that it seemed like Ben Affleck is a pretty popular topic. Only a small percentage seemed to be devoted to hippopotami, which is too bad because I like them a lot. If there were a website that combined naked ladies with Ben Affleck and a hippo, I think there would be some real money to be made there because of the broad appeal. It appears that there is no website at hippoboobsben.com.
When I got tired of looking at all the websites, I noticed that seven hours had passed. I hadn’t gotten up to eat or go to the bathroom or anything. When I watch TV, commercials remind me to take a break and go do such things, but the commercials on the internet just make me look at more websites.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing 2009.
