THE FIGHT I IMAGINED BETWEEN A GIANT MAN AND A REGULAR-SIZED MAN
★★★★★ (3 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the fight I imagined between a giant man and a regular-sized man.
When I donate blood (I see it as the next best thing to being able to transmit my seed) I find myself with a lot of time on my hands, so I like to imagine things – usually fight scenes, because those can be bloody and are thematically appropriate.
Last week I imagined a fight between this one guy who was like most guys you see, and then this other guy who was just like the first guy, except way bigger and with a different face. If you’re familiar with the tale of David and Goliath, you may be thinking my story isn’t very original. You’d be wrong. Instead of a slingshot, the regular guy had a fork. The giant guy had the slingshot! And neither of them was named David or Goliath. They were named Mike and Daryl, respectively.
At first, Mike was all, “You’re not going to defeat me!” Then Daryl was saying the exact same thing, but about Mike. You could tell things were going to escalate pretty quickly. Would Daryl win because of his enormousness, or would Mike surprise everyone and somehow manage to win?
Unfortunately, this is as far as I got before I passed out, but judging by how the plot was progressing, it was clearly going to be a pretty awesome story. There could have been more sex in it though, but I’m not going to start second guessing what makes a good story. Writers do that too often, worrying about what readers will think and whether or not the story will sell.
When I write I like to let the story take control of me. Which is easy to do when you’re suffering from blood loss, feeling all dizzy and woozy. I think too many writers try to control the story, and should instead just go with whatever comes out. That’s also why I don’t believe in editors. Let nature edit the story, not some guy in a suit who couldn’t make it as a writer himself. If I had let someone edit my fight scene, there probably would have been a love interest. Who needs that? I just wanted to watch two guys fight!
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing a George Clooney’s face.
