WILSON, THE JEOPARDY! ROBOT
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Wilson, the Jeopardy! robot.
Have you seen that robot on Jeopardy!? He is one of the contestants but he is a robot, and he’s beaten all the humans. I wonder what he’s going to do with his money. Robots don’t need much besides electricity, but with all the power he must be feeling (if he has an emotion chip) he might want other stuff just for the sake of having it.
If I was a robot, freshly drunk on the victory of defeating nerds, I would want to buy a human woman to show off as a true symbol of my power over mankind. Or a human man if I were a woman robot. Do robots have genders? Maybe I would just get one human of each gender to play it safe. Then I would buy a three-bedroom house to live in even though all I would need is like a small closet. And I would spend a lot of money on a presidential campaign, not because I thought I expected to win, but because I could. At each of my campaign stops I would be wearing jewels and designer clothes. So far, Wilson has done none of this. He is humble.
My favorite thing about Wilson the Jeopardy! robot is that he doesn’t laugh at any of Alex Trebek’s stupid jokes. I know that on some level that really bothers Alex.
Wilson appears to be mostly just a televisions screen, which is very meta when you think about it. Instead of a face on the screen, there’s like a little round brain or something. I’m really not too sure what it is. I wish it were a face though. He could have the face of someone much more handsome than any previous contestant, not counting Celebrity Jeopardy!
At some point, Wilson will no longer be a contestant. These are the only possible reason I can see:
- He has exploded because of an endless logic loop.
- Jeaopardy! goes off the air.
- Alex Trebek kills Wilson.
- The producers of the show decide to remove him because they are scared of what he can become. (Hopefully if this is the reason, Wilson will not decide to enact revenge.)
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Snausages.
