THE MAZE ON THE PLACE MAT AT RORY’S DONUTS & MORE
★★★★★ (1 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the maze on the place mat at Rory’s Donuts & More.
Rory’s Donuts & More is one of my favorite restaurants. With every meal you order, you get a free donut. Purchase one of their donut meals (like the donut dog or the donut soup) and you get two free donuts. Bring a book if you go, because while the food is worth the wait, it’s a long wait, and the only thing to keep you occupied is their game-laden place mat.
Normally, I enjoy games, crosswords, riddles and dot-to-dots. Even if – as is the case with Rory’s – I’ve done them before. (They’ve had the exact same place mats for over 30 years.) The maze on this place mat is the worst thing to happen to me since I don’t know when. It’s in the shape of a parakeet and you have to get from his mouth to his anus. I’m sure whoever made this thought it was very funny. Personally, I think it’s gross.
While having to consider a bird’s digestive track may be educational, doing so moments before eating a delicious donut meal isn’t ideal. What I find most offensive isn’t the subject matter, but the fact that there are actually five separate routes I could take to successfully complete the maze. Sure, maybe you want an extra one or two for the dimmer kids, but five? Please. This in no way challenges my mind.
My initial thought was the place mat had been misprinted, but when I looked around me, I saw children casually solving this maze at every table. I was sickened, and not by my donut sushi. I didn’t enjoy being treated like an idiot. I began going from table to table, pointing out the offensive maze, trying to rile the kids into a mob. Kids are not good for forming unruly mobs.
It’s been six years since I’ve had a donut pot pie. Not even a month-long protest in front of Rory’s could make them change their place mat. I told a guy I think was probably Rory that he had lost a loyal customer, but he pretended he didn’t speak English. Until Rory’s gets a new place mat, I can’t bring myself to eat there.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing the Foghorn Leghorn.
