★★★★★ (2 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing centipedes.
Centipedes are long, worm-like insects that have tons of legs. I’m not exactly sure how many legs, but it’s a lot. I tried counting the legs on a centipede I saw the other day because I wanted this review to also be educational, but he was moving too fast for me to keep count. It had to be over 20 legs.
There have never been any famous centipedes, in history or in fiction. I attribute this to the fact that centipedes are gross. If they weren’t gross, people would have them as pets and they would be the lead characters in Pixar films. Instead, centipedes are just these bugs that cross your mind once in a while and that’s about it.
I think some people in really poor countries eat centipedes, but because they’re poor, not because they like them. Those are probably the only people who are excited to see centipedes, because then they think, “Hey, free food!” Except they think it in a different language than English. I hope some day I am not excited to see a centipede, because that will probably mean that America has finally fallen. For now I’m content to be excited when I see a Twinkie someone lost.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing OshKosh B-Gosh.