MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Marina and the Diamonds.
In her song I am Not a Robot, Welsh musician Marina Diamandis (stage name Marina and the Diamonds) claims that she is not a robot, singing, “I’m not a robot” and also “I am not a robot.”
At first I believed her. After all, she doesn’t look anything like a robot. Robots have claws for hands and antennas on their heads. Marina has none of these. But then I began to grow suspicious. Why would someone who isn’t a robot feel so compelled to make sure everyone knows it? She went as far as to write an entire song about it.
She’s obviously over-compensating, just like a closeted homosexual pastor who champions against gays. I’m surprised the song isn’t called “Death to All Robots, They Are an Abomination!”
So the question in my mind isn’t whether or not Marina is a robot. All signs indicate she is. The real question is: Why doesn’t Marina want anyone to know she’s a robot?
It could be that she’s an evil robot planning a surprise attack. Not all robots are bad though, and it would be unfair to assume the worst. (Especially because she’s very pretty.) It may be that she has a complex about being an artificial person and yearns to fit in. I prefer this more compassionate theory, which is why I’m writing a song called It’s Okay if You Are a Robot.
This will work on two levels. First, it’s unaccusatory while opening a dialogue. Secondly, it will let hew know that if she reveals her true nature, she has support from real humans. I’m still working on the song, but so far it goes:
It’s okay if you are a robot
I’ll never make love to you because I’m not that kinky
But I’ll hug you if you cry
But only if you can cry without short circuiting
I don’t want to get electrocuted by your tears
If my suspicions are correct, Marina is reading this right now via the internet/her brain. Marina, it’s okay if you are a robot. The truth is, I think robots are neat. Even lying robots.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing horsies.
