TUNNELS
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing tunnels.
Tunnels are lots of fun. If you’re unfamiliar with them, a tunnel (the good ones anyway) are man-made shortcuts through the earth. Sometimes animals make tunnels, but those are always far less efficient, with winding, circuitous paths.
Have you ever seen an ant farm? Those things are a mess. All those worker ants would have some time to rest if they made their tunnels go straight from point A to point B without any of the winding. Despite how long science has been around, it still has yet to discover why animals don’t dig tunnels in straight lines, or just stay above ground altogether where it’s easier to move about.
One of the most famous tunnels is the Tunnel of Love. It is a boat ride. That’s where many people have their first kiss, or in the case of my childhood friend, Harold, his last kiss. Grace Koepler fell off the boat and drowned when Harold kissed her. He could never bring himself to kiss another person.
While hiking through a cave, I encountered a tunnel that split into two tunnels. It was a tunnel within a tunnel! It blew my mind. I couldn’t decide which was to go, so I just stopped right there. Three days later my mind was made up for me when the rescuers arrived. I’ll never forget that tunnel.
Bugs Bunny is famous for his tunneling abilities. Sometimes he would tunnel his way to a vacation only to get lost and end up somewhere unexpected. Like Mexico. That’s where Speedy Gonzales lived. I’m surprised no one ever used Bugs’ tunnels to traffic drugs or humans into America.
As great as tunnels are, some of them can be unpleasant. There’s one tunnel in particular I would recommend staying away from. It’s off of Route 95 near Bedford, MA, and a family of possums lived inside. They’re very territorial.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Benito Mussolini.
