EATING
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing eating.
In many ways I like eating. Flavors can be a lot of fun if they taste good and that is something that can usually be controlled. Some of my favorite flavors include bubble gum, pizza and eclairs. Yum!
I also like that eating gives me a chance to use my teeth for something. Other than eating I don’t use them for much. Animals display their teeth when they want to ward off a foe, but I have so few foes and I don’t think they would be intimidated by my teeth. They might be intimidated by my superior dental hygiene though, ha ha.
The thing I don’t like about eating is how half-way through chewing, I suddenly have a mouth full of half-chewed food. It’s pretty gross if you think about it. That’s why sometimes when I’m eating, if the mushy mess catches me by surprise, I will uncontrollably spit out my food. This is followed by embarrassment if anyone is around, or shame if I am alone. Either way, it doesn’t leave one in the mood to keep eating.
The best method for me to eat without incident is to distract myself between the time I put the food in my mouth and then swallow it. Sometimes, after I swallow it, I can get grossed out by the fact that I just swallowed a bunch of chewed up food, but not so grossed out that I’m willing to do anything about it. The best way to distract myself is to watch TV. That’s why I bring my Unisonic XL-900B portable TV with me every time I eat a meal. Some people think I’m being rude by setting up a TV and watching it during our lunch but I’d rather that than to spit food all over the table.
Despite all the difficulties I have with eating I still really love it. If it weren’t for eating I never would have grown in size or continued to live.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing James Franco.
One response
Things to watch for, yes. The best trick I’ve got for managing
the line between that pesky mush mouth and nutritional
depravation is to tie off a sack to your head, a strap goes
around the back, and the food in between the your head and
the floor. No one sees when mush is too much, and you don’t
lose out.
In restaurants, I can see a market for personalized bags. Without
tables, there’d be more room for friends! Uptick in mop sales,
pales.
See you next week!
Click here to subscribe today and leave your comment.