EATING
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing eating.
In many ways I like eating. Flavors can be a lot of fun if they taste good and that is something that can usually be controlled. Some of my favorite flavors include bubble gum, pizza and eclairs. Yum!
I also like that eating gives me a chance to use my teeth for something. Other than eating I don’t use them for much. Animals display their teeth when they want to ward off a foe, but I have so few foes and I don’t think they would be intimidated by my teeth. They might be intimidated by my superior dental hygiene though, ha ha.
The thing I don’t like about eating is how half-way through chewing, I suddenly have a mouth full of half-chewed food. It’s pretty gross if you think about it. That’s why sometimes when I’m eating, if the mushy mess catches me by surprise, I will uncontrollably spit out my food. This is followed by embarrassment if anyone is around, or shame if I am alone. Either way, it doesn’t leave one in the mood to keep eating.
The best method for me to eat without incident is to distract myself between the time I put the food in my mouth and then swallow it. Sometimes, after I swallow it, I can get grossed out by the fact that I just swallowed a bunch of chewed up food, but not so grossed out that I’m willing to do anything about it. The best way to distract myself is to watch TV. That’s why I bring my Unisonic XL-900B portable TV with me every time I eat a meal. Some people think I’m being rude by setting up a TV and watching it during our lunch but I’d rather that than to spit food all over the table.
Despite all the difficulties I have with eating I still really love it. If it weren’t for eating I never would have grown in size or continued to live.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing James Franco.
