MY NAME
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing my name.
As you may know, I am one of the people competing in the 2012 Presidential election. If I get enough votes to win I will be your New Leader (if you are an American)! The greatest difficulty with winning is that no one has ever heard of me. Or if they have heard of me, it’s probably just someone with the same name and not actually me.
That’s why I’m considering changing my name to simply Ted, like Bono or Jackée. Almost everyone knows a Ted, so that way if a voter sees simply “Ted” on their ballot, he or she may think, “I didn’t know Ted was running for President. I’ll definitely vote for him!” It’s a little bit deceptive of me, but I sincerely believe I’m the best candidate for the position, so I feel justified in blurring the ethical line.
Another great thing about my name is that it rhymes with red which is one of my favorite colors. Sometimes when someone types my name they accidentally hit the R key because it is so close to the T. I don’t bother to correct them.
My last name doesn’t rhyme with much of anything. That’s okay by me because I’ve already got enough rhyming going on with my name, especially my middle name which I would prefer not to disclose. Like most middle names, it is extremely embarrassing. It’s the reason I spent about a decade of my childhood wishing I was Chinese. Then I wouldn’t have a middle name. I also wanted to be Chinese because Asians are the majority of the planet and I hate being a minority.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Cher.
