BRAD, THE FRONT DESK CLERK AT THE HOLIDAY INN EXPRESS
★★★★★ (1 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Brad, the front desk clerk at the Holiday Inn Express.
Once a month I like to go to a random town and pretend to be someone else for a day. I don’t pretend to be a fictional character, I pretend to be someone like my cousin Arnold or Saul, my butcher. Being someone else for a day reminds me of all the reasons I like to be me.
When I arrived at a Holiday Inn Express off Route 90 (I’m not exactly sure what town I was in), I was excited to begin my new life as Diego, the man who tends to my neighbor’s yard. Unfortunately, Brad, the front desk clerk, was less excited for me. He wanted to know why I introduced myself as Diego when my credit card said Ted on it. I told him not to worry about it and then asked if he needed any bushes trimmed or trees uprooted.
He gave me a real quizzical look, shoved my room key at me and told me to get lost. Poor Diego. I had no idea his life was like this. I decided to break character and give Brad a piece of my mind. “If I really was Diego, you would have just hurt my feelings a lot. You should be nicer to people.”
That’s when Brad told me to “get the fuck out.” He said he didn’t want any weirdos staying at his hotel. I’m not exactly sure why Brad was so angry but I doubt it had anything to do with Diego. Brad seemed like a generally unsatisfied person, based on his general demeanor, so I suspect anything could have set him off.
I told him that if there wasn’t a counter between us I would give him a hug. Then I ran to my car as he chased me and I ended up staying at a Howard Johnson, where Diego had a lovely night with Janice, a waitress. I guess Diego’s life has its benefits. I’ll have to give him a knowing wink the next time I see him.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing a plate of pancakes.
